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Straight and Narrow
Part VI - The Wait
by Spirit
Email: naughtyspirit@cableinet.co.uk
Pairing: Lindsey/Kate
Rating: NC17
Summary: Before all the madness of Angel, Kate and Lindsey meet.
Disclaimer: Not mine, although I really wouldn't mind borrowing Lindsey from
Joss if he did this. Of course, I'd give him back afterwards. Promise.
Notes: Lar's betaing and plot help is the reason this all came out. For that
I really thank her. She can borrow the hat whenever she wants. I'll even
wait in line *g*.
~~~~~~~~~~
Lindsey's pretty sure his head shouldn't be aching right now. He stayed up
late last night, yes, did more work than he needed, but he's ahead of the
game. Or at least he would be if he could put a lid on this pain. The truth
of it is that he couldn't sleep until his head touched the books, working
out acres of a filing system that sometimes required Latin or Runes. Slept
on his couch because making it all the way to the bed was beyond him.
Nothing to do with sleeping alone. That hasn't occurred to him at all.
And he's going to keep telling himself that.
He rubs his eyes and walks into the hallway, buff file in one hand, other
itching for a coffee. It's only early afternoon and already he's tired of
the stink here. Just wants to get out and take a load off, find familiar
warm arms and pretend the world ends with a guilty smile and eyes that flash
ice at him. He decides it's not just a fantasy now - something to think
about when he has a spare five minutes - but a regularly scheduled program,
playing pretty much constantly. And that raw gap only seems to close when he
can touch her, lose himself in her body and hear low tones calling his name.
"So, we're set for tomorrow. Tee off at one?"
Feeling naked, in spite of his neatly tailored suit, Lindsey turns at the
sound of Lee's voice. He's not exactly expecting to see Holland, but it
doesn't come as a surprise either, and for the moment, he's frighteningly
aware that he's no longer the firm's golden boy. And as he sees Holland
smile at Lee before walking away, he wonders how he ever held the position -
he's never quite had the easy hang of sucking up. He should walk away now,
shrug it off, but he's a shark by nature and he has to know the territory he
's heading into.
"Kissing ass finally paid off, Lee?"
The other lawyer smiles at Lindsey, practiced smugness given free reign.
"Don't be jealous, Lindsey. I'm sure if you applied yourself, you could kiss
ass as well as I do. And then it would be you playing golf with the head of
Special Projects."
"Some of us actually rely on our reputations as lawyers, not whose head's
the furthest up Holland Manner's ass."
Lee's impermeable calmness betrays nothing and Lindsey would like just once
to take him outside and kick him all the way down the street. See if that
grin moves when it's bruised.
"Well maybe if you were spending your time on our side of the courtroom that
might be true. And we wouldn't be having this conversation."
Lee leans in closer, lover's breath icy against Lindsey's ear.
"You think no one knows you're screwing the detective? You're becoming the
office joke."
His heart shouldn't be beating this fast - Lindsey's damn sure of that. Sure
that no one really knew what he was doing with Kate, sure it didn't matter.
Sure that all of this was built of stone and rock and he's worked his balls
off making it a success. And Lee wants to paint him a clown and make out
that all that struggle is for nothing, because he can't control where his
dick goes. And it's nothing more than that, just well heeled sex with a
velvet overlay.
He wants to feel that now.
"Thing is, Lindsey. I don't think it's funny at all."
Tongue feels numb, but Lindsey hears, rather than feels himself say the
words.
"What *do* you think, then?"
"I think it's pathetic. If it's ass you're after, there's a dozen whores
with your number."
"And if it's more?"
Tries to take back the words, hears them out there and watches Lee's face
light up. Lindsey knows he's just thrown the bone and doesn't know how to
get it back.
"I think it's my duty here to explain to Holland just how I feel it's
affecting your work." He grins and moves to his office. "Maybe at the
nineteenth hole."
Lindsey slams his hand down on Lee's arm, not tense, not squeezing, just
relentless - there's no getting out of this grip. "I don't think you want to
take such an interest in my social life. I might start taking it personally
and I don't think you'd like that. Not one bit."
Lee looks up at him and smiles, wolf to the fore. "Why Lindsey, is that a
threat against my person?"
"Not a threat, no. A warning." He drops Lee's arm. "Stay out of my life."
He walks slowly back to his office, careful not to look back or register the
look on Lee's face. Careful now not to hurry and to just pace himself as he
closes on the door. Pushes it shut, keeps the sound to a minimum until it's
just him and his office and his anger and kicks the trashcan over, spills
documents over the floor. Criminal life exposed to deep shag pile as Lindsey
tries to calm the heat in his head. And it's just all too hot now - air
conditioning not compensating one bit, just a whine in his ear as he tries
to picture something cool, calm, relaxing.
Sees Kate and wonders why in the Hell they weren't together last night -
nothing between them but air and a series of non-committal statements. And
right now it just looks like his only option. Chill on her icy demeanor and
rest in her bed, long body against his, going out where he goes in, skin
melting into his own. He grabs his coat and walks out of the office.
Let the paranoia stay here.
~~~~~~~~~~
He's acutely aware that this hallway bears little resemblance to his own.
There's no polite doorman downstairs who knows your name, the elevator seems
to work when it feels like it and the only similarity is in the uniform
shade of paint. And even then Lindsey knows that the daubs in his halls come
with a higher price tag. He doesn't want to feel elitist, doesn't want to
feel 'better', but he can't help the swell of relief that comes with knowing
he doesn't live here.
He counts down the numbers on the stairs until he comes to her level. Steps
through the doors, slides his tie down and adjusts his jacket...knows he's
all sweaty and realizes that one of the downsides of not calling ahead is
that after all this, she might not be in. He figures it won't matter - he'll
lean up against the door until she comes home, takes pity on him and takes
his mind away.
But the voices coming down the hall are all too reminiscent of a time he
doesn't care to think about. Loud and uncontrolled, man shouting, not
listening and with a pile of shit to get off his mind. Lindsey knows how
that feels and yet when he hears her, it's all chilly and he freezes in the
hallway. Stands there while Kate talks in a low voice, anger and something
he recognizes as hurt in her voice. And he knows he could just turn around
right now - find his solace with a good meal and some serious whisky. Knows
he doesn't have to stay and listen and that she might not want him to hear
this.
Although this is just another obstacle between him and what he needs, and
Lindsey refuses to be put off that easily. Still he stands there, listens
and tries to work out how to get in and get her out without wasting time and
energy on something he can't win.
"You know I'm not interfering."
"Yeah, Dad, because you wouldn't do something like that."
"I don't bother you about your boyfriends."
Lindsey leans against the wall, cool surface beneath his hands as he hears
the faintest quaver in Kate's voice.
"Just this one, huh? You ignore every guy from my Prom date to Ted in the
office and just because Lindsey..."
"He's an asshole like the rest of them, Katie. He's after something and
using you to get it."
He opens his mouth to laugh and only catches himself as Kate does it for
him, bitter humor - a side he doesn't altogether know.
"To get what, Dad? Their only aim is to earn money defending the slime we
put away. It's not like he has some big conspiracy that involves me liking
him."
More than that, Lindsey tells the wall, I want more than that and I'm glad I
didn't say that out loud.
"If there's anything in this...if you're lying to me..."
"You'll slap my wrist? Spank me? Report me?"
"If I have to."
And in the silence, Lindsey feels that if he's going to make an entrance,
now's the time - stand up for his woman and fight off the daddy-beast. And
if he could just see it in those terms it would be a hell of a lot easier.
Because then there would be no more uncertainty and he'd know what the hell
he was doing with a woman who walked the other side of the lines. He doesn't
know that, refuses to think about it too hard. There's too much danger
there.
He rounds the door and although the gray haired man is obviously her father,
obviously mad and about to get madder, Lindsey can't look anywhere but at
her. Traces of tears on her cheeks, crying without anyone noticing and
furious with herself for doing so. And although he has the usual urge to
kiss her, lose those clothes somewhere between now and the next second, he
wants to hold her close, say 'this is mine' and forget the rest of the
world. Somewhere in the recent past, Lindsey's accepted this responsibility
and knowing that makes bearing Lee's insidious comments tolerable. Because
he's not just screwing the detective. Not just that.
"Hello, Kate."
She stares at him for a moment, and he guesses she's trying to decide
whether to include him in this yelling session - if he's yet another part of
the problem. But she quiets and he sees the barest trace of a smile before
she turns her attention back to her dad.
"Who the Hell is this?"
Lindsey reaches out, expecting to never touch that particular brand of
Lockley flesh. "Lindsey McDonald, sir. I'd be the asshole you're talking
about."
And sure enough, Lockley stares at him with disdain, unable to back up on
words about a man he doesn't know. Lindsey tries to picture the kind of
image Lockley holds, taints himself red and adds on horns. His kind of
client, maybe.
"Get out of here. Get away from my daughter and don't come back."
Even the low tones don't seem to echo Kate's, and Lindsey lowers his hand.
Keeps hold of his briefcase and allows himself to think about flinging it
into Lockley's face. Sees himself going further, shit kicking and beating
until somebody learns some fucking manners. But he doesn't even move, just
leans slightly back, turns back to Kate and smiles at her, because this isn'
t something that's suddenly over now and she really looks like she could use
a friend. And he really aches to hold her.
"Kate, you hungry?"
"What?"
He grins at her, sees her hands slip from across her chest and presses on.
"I've been thinking about you all day and I'm hungry. Let me buy you
dinner."
She stares at him and he knows the only reason her mouth's not all the way
open is because of years of control. But he sees her loosening and it warms
him.
"Come on, we'll have pasta, Chianti, relaxing conversation...get your
jacket."
And he just knows Lockley has something to say, some other variant on the
'get the hell out of my house' riff, and Lindsey's tired of the outside. He
wants him to go away and never come back. Wants to be alone with Kate and
just tell her over and over that he only feels human when he's with her.
That he doesn't feel dirty and doesn't have to think in any other terms than
want and need when she's touching him.
"Yeah, that sounds," Kate glares at her father and moves to the bedroom,
"great."
He sees her turn, watches the fine lie of her ass, almost boyish, still
close enough to curves to make a grown man growl. And the point where he has
to bring her back here and leave just hangs by a thread. Time to cut loose.
"Wait. Better idea."
She looks up at him and he licks his upper lip briefly before he talks, mind
barely in on the conversation.
"Get your stuff, all your stuff. Move in with me, now. Tonight."
He can feel the room spin, everything turning on its axis as this is hurled
into the mix. He can picture a future than involves her again, shoes resting
next to his in the rack, closet taken up by suits and jackets that won't fit
him. And in his bed, he has a side, a place to be where she isn't - arms
stretched out and she's here again, within reach with soft skin and a
soothing mouth. He knows it's the closest he can get to asking her not to
leave him now or forever. Put it all on offer.
"Jesus, you don't know when to shut your mouth, do you, boy?"
Kate barely seems to hear her father's voice, eyes never leaving Lindsey's
own.
"Why? Why would you ask me that?"
"Because I need you."
Hears the words, feels them and is almost overwhelmed with the sense of
relief. Sees her nod and walk away, closing the door between her father and
their argument, Lindsey calm and unflustered - life points notching up as he
actually finds the ambition that lies outside of the office. Hears Lockley
growl and grab his coat, other door banging and then he's here alone in an
apartment that she's vacating for him. And he's all glowing now, feels like
he's breathed out in front of the judge and heard his hard work pay off.
Only this time it isn't a lie and when she comes back in, hands empty and
decision made, Lindsey wonders if this is really what it's like to fail.
"So you're either traveling light, or," pauses, turns and rests his
briefcase on the table, "you're not coming."
"I'm not coming."
"Right."
He stands still, keeps calm, keeps himself together and waits while she
comes out with all the reasons she shouldn't be with him. Hears 'no good',
hears 'not enough', hears everything before she even opens her mouth and
Lindsey would really like to be able to shrug it off and tell her it was
just something he said to put her father off. But that's not true and she
knows it. His pride is unsalvageable and he can't seem to move, waits for
the real blows to start coming.
"It just feels rushed. Like you put it in a memo between clients."
"You know that's not true."
Kate looks down at her feet before tilting her chin towards him resolutely
and stepping forward.
"I can't make decisions like that. I need time." She rests her hand on his
arm. "I need to be sure."
"Yeah, I get that. I'm sorry I just..."
Lindsey runs his tongue over his lower lip and shakes his head. "It was a
bad judgment call. Shouldn't have asked."
He feels Kate move closer, shuts his eyes as she steps into the space
between his arms and feels her hands slip up to his neck. His place now -
*his* - and he can feel Kate's breath against his neck, skin smooth and soft
as she leans in close.
"I was tempted for a second there."
Lifts his hands up her back and feels the steady warmth of her, body against
his in comfort and no pressure between them now, just one long moment of
perfect contentment in catastrophe.
"Just one second, huh?"
"Maybe a whole minute."
He laughs them, feels it tear at his disappointment and squeezes her tight.
Wants to hold this feeling in forever, Lindsey tries to memorize how she
feels - hair against his face and skin against his neck, long fingers
rubbing at his upper back. And he wants to change her mind, knows he can't
and it aches somewhere inside.
And while he breathes into her shoulder, Kate pulls away, hand touching his
and leading him into the bedroom. He almost wants to stop her, tell her that
sex really isn't what he had in mind right now, despite the ease with which
he can rise to the occasion. But she draws him to her bed, knocks the empty
bag off and lies down, pulling him after her, sighs when his body covers her
own. And when she pushes him back, rests her head in the crook of his neck,
warm and alive in the quiet, Lindsey thinks regret is something that he will
never afford. And that maybe someday he'll ask again and she'll say yes,
unequivocal and unashamed.
She tilts her head up, meets his kiss with an eagerness that doesn't seem to
beg instant gratification. Lazy kisses now, lips barely touching and then
tongue flickering out to taste. It's all shades of the same thing here and
he just needs to hold her tight, tell her he's happy being like this and can
they stay this way 'till the morning threatens again.
When Kate sits up, he follows her without thinking, resting in the middle of
her bed as she takes his jacket, his tie and unfastens his shirt. And when
she kisses him, he feels the weight of trying too hard start to slip away,
fingers bushing over his skin, feather-light across his chest. He watches as
she sits back, looking at his body and Lindsey wonders if she's trying to
memorize his skin the way in the same way he remembers hers. Fingertips run
along the vague ridges of his muscles, touching skin and he breathes in
sharply, smiles at her when Kate looks up at him.
"Are my hands cold?"
"No, pretty warm really."
He covers her hand and brings it back under his shirt, spreads her fingers
out and drops away, willing her to explore, licks his lips when she does.
Feels her touch every inch as she strokes with both hands, up to his neck,
along the line of his jaw and down again, fluttering muscles in his stomach
when she brushes just there. And when the shirt goes the way of his jacket,
Lindsey feels that longing again - needs to be closed up inside her where
the world can't get in.
Kate eases him back, straddles his thighs as she starts to trace wet
patterns with her tongue. He moans louder than he intended when she reaches
his belly, feels the hair move beneath her mouth as she kisses her way down
that line. Wants to close his eyes and just can't - he likes watching her
and Lindsey's conscious that for the first time he's the one being made love
to - gives up the control willingly and feels his breathing steady when she
slips his belt out.
Kate slides her hand inside his pants and lays it flat along the line of his
already hardening cock. It jumps under the pressure and she looks up at him,
grinning that she has that effect. Feels the soft cotton of his boxers part
as she reaches in to touch skin now, warming to her fingers and filling
them. When she starts to move slowly, fist closed under the head, tight and
not strangling, friction making him sweat as he struggles to lie still.
And yet, there's satisfaction in being taken care of - slides his hands
behind his head so that he won't be tempted to reach down and guide her, so
that he won't take control. Loses his the rest of his clothes as she stands
and sheds her own. And then she's crawling back up the bed, nipples touching
his thighs as she starts to trail kisses back down his body. Breath regular
and loud as she edges past his hip, touching his inner thigh with his
tongue, promising much more if he can just stay still and rest and wait for
her. Balls his hands into fists as she strokes the flat of her tongue up,
meeting the long vein and pressing against it, blood flowing faster under
that part as it tightens and flattens to his torso. And then her mouth is up
and teasing along that old scar, flickering over the end until he realizes
the moaning is his own.
When she closes her lips round the end, Lindsey can't help but close his
eyes. Sees stars behind them when she moves down, short wet tunnel that
covers him, tongue still active as his hips push up into her mouth. He looks
down as she moves, startled when he sees her look back at him, not urgent,
but relentless and he gives in, rocking into the moment. Lindsey feels the
moisture leave his mouth, pants at her attention until he can't stand it any
more and reaches blindly for her, pulling at her arms until she falls onto
his chest, frantic kisses as he possesses and owns and gives. Pushes up as
she wriggles down and feels everything slide home as they still.
He winds his hands into her hair as she kisses him deeply, tongue touching
his as he feels the certainty here. Body to body and inside and covered, he
brushes his lips against hers, unspoken whispers of contentment and need as
slowly, tenderly, they begin to move again, no words now as they make love.
Feels her skin cover him completely, circling round his erection as she
pulls him in, squeezes tightly, familiar pulse beginning as he realizes how
close he is to coming. Tries to slow down, stop and make this last, but Kate
's still in control, moves against him and when he breaks away from her
mouth long enough to gasp, he comes hard, feeling the shudder along his body
as the tension finally breaks completely.
And when it's over, still inside her as they kiss, Lindsey wonders if this
is why he can't walk away. Not the sex, not the intensity or passion of any
given moment between them, but the aftermath, close and tight and the two of
them in the hazy light of the afternoon. Tightens his arms round her back as
she looks up at him. He's pretty certain she's thinking along the same lines
and knows that if he asked her now, he might just be afraid of the answer.
And there's something he needs to say, wants to tell her, but he can't focus
on that and keeps holding her, some part of him terrified that if he lets
go, he won't get this back.
"Lindsey?"
He worries her lips with his own, feels tired now, wants to sleep, wants to
hear what she has to say and return it in kind.
"I was thinking and...I have a drawer I don't really use."
His brain doesn't kick in as she says something different to what he
expected and it takes him a second or two before the smile returns. Brushes
his hands through her hair and smiles at her.
"Got some space you'd like filling?"
Kate rolls her eyes and moves to pull away, but he won't let go and kisses
her gently.
"I'd like that, darlin', I really would."
"You can come back then, whenever you...whenever."
He nods, doesn't tag on the 'always' because she has to know that without
him saying. And when she finally slips to the side of him, sleeping in his
arms, Lindsey closes his eyes and guesses that for him, this is as good as
it gets.
And it's a lot better than he expected.
~~~~~~~~~~
End part six-end straight and narrow.
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