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Mistakenly Inhuman, Often Amoral, and Always Unrepentant:
A Lindsey McDonald Nutshell Analysis
by Kate Lynn (Bwbaby007@aol.com)
The most important thing in my writing is characterization. I don't like to shine them in glory or make them unrealistic... I like them as they are, and I try to develop them from a canon foundation if one exists. Therefore, I shall explain my position on Lindsey’s morality, self-image, and sexuality starting from my interpretation of him in canon.
We are introduced to Lindsey in the opening of the series of Angel and shown two things that I find of immediate importance: one, he’s familiar with the demonic world, so much so as to clearly work with it by being Russell’s lawyer, setting up the interesting question of humans being on the same playing field as demons. And two, he’s not phased by this. Beyond him being a stereotypical ‘hotshot, young, immoral lawyer,’ he’s a player in this good vs. evil fight, and willingly so. His words at the end to his firm are not that his client was killed or that there is a problem – merely, that there is a new player in town, namely, Angel. He doesn’t appear happy about this fact – Angel seems to be some competition and did destroy his client – but he’s not phased, and his concerns are rooted in a very self-interested place; his job.
We will come to see that Wolfram and Hart, while Lindsey says ‘we have a new player in town,’ is actually driven by the me in team. This is shown repeatedly in relation not only to Lindsey, but also to several other members including Lilah, Gavin, and Nathan Reed. One could argue that Holland felt something less than purely selfish in regards to Lindsey, and I would agree. Lindsey was handpicked by him, groomed by him, and I think Holland grew to have a good grasp on him. Good enough to count on Lindsey betraying them to Darla, at least. However, he was far from a fair substitute father figure; Holland would not sacrifice his own well being for Lindsey. At the end of Blind Date, for example, he is promoted – Lindsey can do good things for him. He’s of use. That’s a key motto of Wolfram and Hart; be useful.
Why was Lindsey useful? Holland himself says that it’s not because Lindsey is smart and driven – there’s plenty of those people to go around – but it’s because Lindsey had the ability to see things as they were. Now, what did he mean by that? I would venture to guess he meant that Lindsey already lacked a romantic vision of the world. By romantic, I mean one where there is a preconceived notion that the world is inherently good, that what society has come to call goodness and proper has something tangible to it, a solid foundation that should be preserved.
Lindsey, I believe, tries to take things on a much more isolated scale. Does goodness exist? Yes. He’d not deny it. I don’t even think he’d try to argue his way out of it, by saying that when one does a good deed, that feeling of accomplishment is itself inherently selfish. Honestly, I don’t think he’d care enough to argue for that. He isn’t interested in seeing the world in a battle of good versus evil, he’s primarily interested in the battle of himself existing in this world.
We are given reason for his thinking this way. As usual, childhood is to explain. I do not say blame, because I don’t think that little of him as to excuse his development all because of his childhood. But personality clashing with environment produced him, and his environment when growing up was pretty simple; he was stepped on. I argue against anyone who says he didn’t feel a part of his family when young – he clearly felt enough to experience their hardships in his own way, usually with anger and shame. I don’t think he was horribly abused; I think his father was a failed dreamer and maybe an alcoholic, his mother hardly a pillar of strength, and his entire family too set in their beaten down position to rise, but I don’t think he was overtly beaten or screamed at, and never sexually abused.
So he lived in poverty, he lost two siblings, he lost his house while his father joked – probably feeling shame himself but unable to do more than joke – and he burned with indignation and humiliation. He couldn’t understand this family, and he wanted more. I don’t think it beyond any doubt that he’s driven from an early age – he certainly didn’t have connections that got him into Hastings. But he was far from a model student, though he excelled academically. Lindsey doesn’t take crap. From anyone. They could offer him the world, but if they make a fool of him in the process, he’s more than willing to shove their faces in that platter.
This is an intriguing twist of character that I find vital to him. It’s easy to overlook as that he just has a temper or is bitter, but really, there is much more there. If his main goal was to succeed in life, it should be easy enough to swallow his lumps. Take the promotions that come with the times he’s used, or ignore bullies on the playground and have a clear detention record, and have the last laugh from his penthouse. He’s only making it harder on himself by acting out. Temper, maybe? Certainly part of it. But he’s actually quite calm during most of his quitting of Wolfram and Hart. He’s angry, but he’s playful. He’s in control.
He’s in control. Not in an ice princess way, but in the sense that nobody is dictating his life.
If you’re looking for a core to Lindsey, there it is. It’s not a romantic core – it has nothing to do with white picket fences, fancy penthouses, vampire love or a Platonic ideal of altruistic goodness.
Nobody takes this from him without a fight. He himself can only sacrifice it for so long; that makes sense, since it’s what he’s built himself on since a child.
Let’s now, in light of Lindsey’s driving force, look at his supposed moral seesawing. He may have called Angel a player on the same field, but their rules, i.e. their foundations, are drastically different. In one corner is Angel: Angel is fighting for good against evil. In the other corner is Lindsey: Lindsey himself is part of the fight; it’s him fighting in the world. Angel is universal; he puts himself between others. Lindsey is operating, intentionally, on a much smaller scale. The ramifications of his actions may be vast, but his vision is still isolated to himself. He sees the big picture, and he snubs it save for his own corner. He wants the world because he, in his private battle with it, will allow nothing to control him. In this case, Lindsey’s ‘moral core’ never shifts. (Moral core being the driving force which we base our decisions on.) He does what he wants. When he wants. Big picture be damned. Sometimes he lets others have authority over him, more often than not he doesn’t, but it’s always his choice. Once he feels like the choice is taken from him, the cause should expect to find their face meeting that platter.
This deconstruction of him, reducing him to this force, was merely the beginning. This is Lindsey at his simplest; now is time to dress his layers. It’d be easier if his driving force were all there was – but Lindsey is human. A rather messy one, at that. I shall now try to rebuild him.
The main aspects of his personality that wrap around this core are his pride, his emotional retardation, and his own sense of conscience. Each of these will now be covered in turn.
His Pride
Lindsey has a lot to feel good about himself. He just does. He’s old-school Americana, think of Andrew Jackson’s image, pulling himself up by his bootstraps. From his resentment of his early life, how he never speaks on it with affection, I believe he had only himself to push him, and in this regard, he himself earned the position of head of a whole division at Wolfram and Hart. And I think he does feel some pride over this. He’s human, and for a long time I think even he believed his main goal was to be successful in such a powerful career. He likes to succeed – not an uncommon trait. I do think it's a main reason why he is jaded, his having had to make his own way in the world.
However, he really isn’t happy. More so than unhappy, I believe that the Lindsey at the end of season two was frustrated. The sacrifices of letting others run his life I believe played a big part in this. The power and accomplishment he had was nice; the price his pride paid for it wasn’t.
Part of the reason I think he is so determined to rebel against authority, to find it so threatening, is that if any part of him seesaws, it’s his ego. It isn’t really fed off of his not being someone living on the streets – that’s not what sustains his sense of worth. I think he’d be hard-pressed to find himself content, since he’s built himself up to constantly fight. It doesn’t end with a penthouse; his goal isn’t something that tangible. It’s a continuing feeling that he is able to be in control, to get what he wants when he wants it. Having a goal and working towards it is where his sense of pride lies, and it directly clashes with the fact that he really doesn’t know what he does want. He has no big picture, and every time he thinks he does, it falls flat.
His Emotional Limitations
There are a few areas where Lindsey’s emotions are more often in check. Namely, when he’s working – he seemed to be quite successful at Wolfram and Hart. When his goal is career-oriented, he’s much calmer. It’s when things take on a more personal aspect – his desire for Darla, that the stakes are raised for him and he is left less than capable. He never fully seems to know how to approach her, or how to deal with any emotional scene with any finesse. When looking at the man whose hand he has, he even looks to Angel for advice and in the end seems quite awkward though resolved in his final words and actions. When making decisions and dealing with his emotions, he is much less consistent because he has less experience in dealing with them, or at least to any successful end. Therefore, most surprising behavior from him, if any, will come from some emotionally stimulated area, specifically emotions related to intimacy.
His Own Conscience
For some, he's die-hard until they really cross him. Darla, he'd have done anything for. Why? Because he wanted to. And when we first meet him in the opening season, he does have some lines that he doesn’t want to cross. Namely, allowing children to be killed in Blind Date. But take notice of this – it’s lines that he, himself, doesn’t want to cross. He makes no mention of there being a higher cosmic order, some other reason why he should do good other than that it’s his own personal preference in this case. Again, he does what he wants… and comes out of it calling Holland by his first name. A step back? No. He did what he wanted. And he won. He doesn’t like to hurt children, so he didn’t. He still gets to be in a position of power, which he likes, so he takes it.
I take his final scene in his office less about him worrying over losing his good standing on the karma chain, and more wondering if he sold his own sense of worth out – how long can he go up against the big boys and win? Did he win this, considering he’s doing what Holland wanted? And Holland got promoted, in part because of his staff of which Lindsey is a part. Holland, in effect, takes some of the wind out of Lindsey’s triumphant sails by not being aghast at Lindsey’s snub of loyalty to his office and authority.
Where, then, are Lindsey’s personal lines drawn, if he answers to no social norm of conscience? If it all comes back to suiting him, that being the one unwavering line, then what does suit him? I think this is an evolving question. He takes no pleasure out of randomly harming strangers; he’d not go out of his way to mock a homeless person or kick a puppy. When Wolfram and Hart steal money from the shelter, he does it for his job, not for the satisfaction of depriving Anne’s kids. They aren’t factored into his equation. Why? No personal connection. To have Lindsey fight for or against something, it often has to become personal. He doesn’t deal in theories of right or wrong… he himself has to care that he or someone else has been wronged or deserves to be wronged. This is a trait that has become increasingly stronger in him over the seasons as he finds himself more jaded.
How, then, have his personal relations functioned? This will be examined by looking at the few he’s had some relationship with.
The Lindsey/Angel Dynamic
UST jokes aside, tension exists. At first, it is nothing more than the fact that they keep getting in each others’ way on the playing field. Neither is particularly fond of such interference, and it’s not a fun game when lives and careers are at stake. Darla took things to a far more personal level, even more so than losing his strumming hand.
Angel’s moral superiority, as Lindsey sees it, amuses him more than frustrates, same as Angel’s being a champion. It is only when Angel tries to exert that sense of superiority over him that Lindsey takes issue. There is also a slight sense of jealousy on his part – Angel has a path, whereas he, Lindsey, is still searching for a definite one besides the fighting foundation.
The Lindsey/Darla Dynamic
He felt for her. I think it was twisted up with several other elements such as his delusions of a big gothic romance, his desire to connect, and yes, his desire to self-destruct, but he doesn't just latch onto anyone. He is capable of feeling, he's just so messed up it's nearly impossible for it to be pure or lasting. He’s not incapable of caring – as he himself says about dying, ‘I care… I guess I just don’t mind.’
Incapable of feeling? No. He feels emotions. He's scarred, he's not healthy, but he can feel. It's because the one person he tried to connect to couldn't care less about him. I don't think he had 'true love' with Darla – he enjoyed the idea of a relationship because he truly did find her fascinating, and imagined a fittingly difficult relationship for them. He lives on fighting, and he felt it a worthy one. Her using him humiliated him, probably making him more jaded.
Unifying Season Five’s Lindsey With Season Two’s Lindsey
In season five he was in a relationship with Eve. What I take in canon for his first real relationship, considering how over the moon he acted. It was a fighting relationship, in that they had a goal together. We are not shown how they really hit it off and came to trust each other, or whether he was infatuated with the idea of her in a relationship with him. We also aren’t shown whether it would last, considering how he ends the series. He goes out as he’d hate – not on his own terms, how he’d planned. How he got there, however, is exactly how he always has… being driven by self-interest, his own sense of conscience, pride, a desire to snub authority and exert control. Much as why he came to join and leave Wolfram and Hart. He’s far from a saint… and in his mind, that’s fine, he neither fancied nor detested such a notion. For more on Lindsey during season five and especially the finally, please see my ficlet Crimson Ribbons.
He's nice when it doesn't cost him anything, unless he gets one of those rare attractions to people or things that'll probably end in furthering his self-destruction. How he continues to trip and fight along, however, is to be determined by you, but this is the basis for where he was and a guide to what he could base future decisions on.
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