End Game
by zahra

Email: (frans_angel@hotmail.com)
Category: Angst, Drama, First Time
Rating: PG
Pairing: Clark/Lex
Summary: A first kiss.
*Written for Livia's XF/SV challenge*

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'in memory, the moment before often outlives the awaited moment' - Elizabeth Bowen

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Lex has been waiting for this moment longer than he would ever admit to anyone, let alone himself, even under extreme duress of the 9-millimeter kind.

He's not denying it; he's simply not accepting that there is even a thought such as this in his brain.

It could ruin everything.

He assumes that he first became aware of this yearning when he was flying. When he was gliding and swooping and enthralled with the precision of the plots of land that Kansas is divided into. Some sort of brilliant geometrical equation with all the time in the world for him to solve.

Lex was happy being dead.

And then something made him come back. He thinks it must've been some sort of prescient knowledge of *this*. That *this* was out there in the world, something that he hadn't experienced yet.

He was so sure there was nothing left.

So he came back, sputtering and choking, with wordless imprecations on his lips to find *him* kneeling before his water-logged body, and Lex has been fucked ever since.

Unfortunately, not literally.

But he figures that will come in time. After *this*.

To quote endless Monty Python sketches, 'it's wot done him in,' and sadly, he's been trying to get a repeat performance ever since. Every movement of every piece on an invisible chessboard, in a game that Clark doesn't even know they're playing, has been so Lex can have this moment. So that he can move into this position for checkmate.

All that strategy just to feel Clark's mouth against his.

Hot and warm, and soft and wet. Everything that Lex has wondered about that he never remembered from his river reincarnation. Everything he has ever spent precious LuthorCorp minutes contemplating. The ridges of Clark's teeth and the feel of his tongue along Lex's palate. About whether Clark was inexperienced enough that they would bump noses, or whether Clark would know to turn his head just that little bit.

Whether or not Clark would really take control or capitulate to Lex. If he would be tentative and shy or over-bearing and forceful. Lex kind of hoped for the latter. He wanted to know if Clark had enough finesse to know to suck on Lex's lower lip and just let it all happen, or whether he would be the gregarious, stout-hearted teenager that he is.

If he would just *attack*.

Lex has wondered about it all.

About pink lips pressed against his and that girlish mouth that will haunt him for the rest of his life. No mouth is like Clark's, Lex knows because he's been looking. And somewhere in the recesses of his mind, Lex knows he even made a wager with himself as to whether or not Clark would close his eyes. He suspects that his id lost out to his ego, but his gain is so much bigger that any loss at all is inconsequential

Everything else is irrelevant but this. Being first.

Lex was, is, will be Clark's first in every way he can, and he knows that no first kiss will ever be the same as *this* first kiss. The first one where they both participated. Where they both knew what was happening, what was at stake. No kiss after this will ever measure up.

The anticipation alone is enough to insure that.

But now that the moment is here, Lex isn't sure if he'll remember it all. If the kiss hasn't all been ruined by how much he wants it. By how much he's been put into getting it.

Now Lex can feel this minute sense of sadness just as much as he can feel Clark's lips pressing against his. As much as he can feel Clark tongue's coaxing his mouth open. And as Lex begins to let Clark into his mouth, and into his heart, he realizes that this really is a whole new game because for him there will only be one first time.

### The End ###