I've never been that Blind

'Quit getting angry.'

Spike leaned back on the pillows as Angel paced about the room. It had been going on for about five minutes now, which was, in his estimation, five minutes too long. He stretched out, wondering whether a quick striptease would take Angel's pedantic mind off Wolfram and Hart for a bit. He'd had enough of that place, and if those bloody lawyers never tried to kill them again it would be too soon.

But Angel never seemed to feel that there was such a thing as enough. He grinned lightly as the complete possibilities of that phrase availed itself to him. For the past week, they'd done precious else than shag the arse off one another. Even when they'd dealt with that lad-who-would-be-Buffy, Angel had found time to grope him. Which was fine by Spike.

Getting shagged almost blind in an alley was one of the more pleasant experiences of the week. Telling Wesley that Megan was still knocking about the place, albeit in a new and exciting form, came in about ninth, and this, watching Angel growl about things over which they had no control, was definitely the owner of last place.

Angel rubbed his eyes, and Spike waited for the next tirade against the lawyers.

'You know what gets me most?'

See, thought Spike absently, even when you don't want to be, you're right.

'Go on then, Peaches, thrill me.'

Angel looked up at him and for a moment the sulky face was gone, replaced by I-haven't-upset-you-have-I face. They'd been fighting other vampires downtown, when Angel had heard a noise and gone to investigate, leaving Spike to deal with the rather frightened pair himself. Apparently the reputation of one William the Bloody had gone a long way in LA, along with the knowledge that he was once more fighting alongside his sire. Spike had never thought that being a white hat could actually inspire fear, but the reaction he'd got from these small-time neck biters was overwhelming. Here, he was Spike, kick ass vampire, fighting against the scum of the city, and though he missed, would probably always miss the purity of human blood, his unlife was pretty damn good.

William the Bloody had respect once more.

But whilst he'd been dealing pleasantly with the enemy, Angel had witnessed a blind woman attacking a street vendor, killing him almost instantly with precision tactics. When he'd run to stop her, Angel had been unable to land a single punch, and she'd almost wiped the floor with him. By the time Spike had caught up, she was long gone, perfecting a trick only vampires were normally capable of.

With a little help from Xander, Cordelia had managed to scout out the girl's identity.........and her court appearance dates. No one had been particularly surprised to discover that she was being represented by Wolfram and Hart, but it had been a matter of concern - with them on her team, she was going to be free and able to kill within days. Which had left them all, but Angel in particular, with the problem of bringing her down.

As a consequence, Spike was getting really pissed off with the whole topic.

'Come on then, Pet. Tell me why we're sitting here talking about wanker lawyers when we're all alone in the bedroom.'

Angel counted a beat, then started pacing again.

'I can't play by their rules, I'm not even in the game with them.'

'The lawyers?'

He didn't pause, and Spike wasn't sure if he'd even heard him.

'How am I supposed to fight evil if they won't even put it behind bars?'

Spike raised an eyebrow.

'Hello there, Pet. I'm not exactly Mother Teresa.'

Angel swallowed and looked up at him.

'Yeah, but you're different, you're.........mine.'

Spike chuckled.

'I'm a possession, now?'

'That's not what I meant.'

'Oh isn't it? I rather thought that it was.'

Spike grinned and pulled off his jacket, dropping it to the floor.

'So tell me , Love, what do you want to do with your property?'

'Spike.........'

'Come on. You know a good shag'll take your mind off.........'

He tailed off as Angel's worried face came back.

Damn - mistake.

'I can't even get in their courtrooms.'

Spike groaned and reached for the half open bottle on the table.

'Why would you bloody want to? It's all full of dickhead jargon and bad wigs.'

'I have no place in their world.'

'You have a place here.'

Angel stared at his feet.

'I don't know why I even bother to fight.'

'Because, me old sport, you're the good guy, the one who gets to walk out of the fire in a white hat.'

He stretched his arms out, nestling back against the pillows.

'That and you're a great poof who doesn't know when to stop talking and take what's on offer.'

The dark vampire grinned and looked up.

'You have a one track mind.'

'No, two track. One side's been derailed though.'

Spike hauled his T-shirt over his head and winked.

'Come on, Pet. Let's call it a night and make with the good stuff, eh?'

With a resigned sigh, Angel closed the door and started unfastening his shirt.

'Bit more enthusiasm, if you would. Not just anyone gets to see this work of art.'

Angel moved over to the bed.

'You? A work of art?'

He shrugged.

'Maybe a Picasso.'

'My ears are in the right fucking place, mate. As is the rest of me.'

'Monet then.'

Spike trailed his fingertips down the open neck of Angel's shirt.

'Hints of the real thing?'

Angel caught his hand and leaned in, lips brushing against Spike's own.

'No. You look blurry close up.'

With a low growl, Spike bit the fleshy lip in front of him, tasting the annoyingly attractive man he shared a bed with. Sometimes he wondered how anyone could be around Angel longer than a minute and not want to tear his clothes off. Given the looks the brooding one was given on a pretty much regular basis, he'd say the world had learned a bit more about self control.

As the tongue started licking at his lips, he could feel his jeans growing too tight, and he was glad he wasn't subject to such worries.

'Blurry close up, eh?'

Angel grinned.

'Very.'

'Maybe you need glasses, mate. Now that you're getting on a bit.'

With a chuckle, Angel moved in closer, pressing his long frame against Spike's, the friction of their clothes heightening every nerve. Their bodies might not change, the nature of the demon might stay true to its original cause, but among their own kind, Spike knew that he and Angel were more than simple anomalies. One chipped, one souled, both had evolved from what they once were. All vampire's knew passion, few knew love and without it, the world was dimmed.

You needed sunglasses to see these two.

Desire mounting, Spike dipped his tongue inside Angel's mouth, his hips almost glued to those of his sire's. They rocked together, torn between the temptation to remove the last of their clothes, but loathe to lose contact, even for a moment. His fingers wrapped round Angel's neck, Spike lifted his legs, grinning as Angel moaned at the nearness. It didn't seem to matter how many times they made love, each touch lingered, etched in the stone of his mind.

I never thought this would make me happy. I thought all this was over when you left me with Dru. Even if I'd thought about it (which I didn't, I swear, Angel) I determined not to think of your arrogant, annoying, sexy as hell ass after you were gone. I didn't brood, I didn't spare you a thought.........except when I dreamt, and there you were as clear as you are now, perfect body, sensitive fingers and hard cock. But you had no soul, and as much as I needed it, needed you to say it, you never could admit you wanted me enough to let me call you mine.

I never regret the past, Love. What's done is done, and no amount of worrying could ever change it. And the future's there, something unwritten and mostly unpredictable. We can only be certain of the now, the only thing tangible in anyone's existence. If I could only get you to see that, you'd feel better and maybe then you'd see something of that redemption you're after.

I just hope there's a place for me in your forgiveness.

Spike closed his eyes and gave in to the moment, feeling his way through the darkness, feeling Angel's body meld against his own. Yesterday was done with, tomorrow held uncertainty, but right now was perfect.

And that was all anyone could ask.
 

*
 

'Oh dear.'

Cordelia looked over the top of the monitor at Wesley.

'Can you say understatement? This woman actually got away with it.........again.'

Xander passed a mug to Doyle and nodded at her.

'That's why get the big bucks, Cordy - because they can lie on a much higher scale.'

There was a whisper of something that was almost a breeze, and the resident ghost announced her presence. Wesley closed his eyes and turned to where he thought she was. He wasn't sure which was worse - knowing she was dead, or having a physical reminder.

He'd woken up in Doyle's arms, the gentle Irishman smiling wistfully, smelling of soap and shampoo. There hadn't been a moment when he was more content, when he'd felt as safe or as wanted. They'd slipped into a bath, and he'd been able to lean back against Doyle's matted chest, resting his head in the crook of his shoulder. It had been the laziest bath he'd taken in a long while, and he was more than a little bit proud that his aching prudishness had subsided when he finally made love to Doyle.

And yet, despite that need being sated, desire was only ever a touch away, and they both knew it.

Unwilling to face Angel, Wesley had taken the day off work, pleasantly surprised when Doyle brought in bacon butties and stated that 'my lazy arse isn't leaving this house without you'. When Doyle had rung in, Wesley hadn't been in the least interested in what Spike or Angel had to say, the vampires no longer among his highest priorities. Maybe at some point, that would change, and whilst he knew that Megan's death wasn't entirely Angel's fault, he had a share of the blame.

And so did Wesley.

When he put the phone down, Doyle's face had been white, and for a moment, Wesley wondered if it had been all a joke; that Megan was still in her own body and Spike had been lost to them. He was worried how much that thought actually chilled him, and wasn't entirely certain that his reaction to Angel hadn't been a result of relief, rather than anger. And he wasn't willing to deal with that at all.

'Wesley? Get the stick out of your butt and talk to me?'

Doyle passed him over the transcripts of the trial, in which Lindsay McDonald had made her seem whiter than white in her actions. None of them had any idea how to fight something like this. With Wolfram and Hart behind her, fighting for her liberty pro bono, it seemed she wasn't only free to do what she would, but that she was still in their employ. None of which looked good for the residents of the city.

'Okay, I may be wrong here,' began Xander, sipping casually from his mug, 'but isn't that stick permanently wedged?'

Wesley glared at him and he raised a hand.

'Hey, no offence man, it's why you do the reading and I.........'

'.........Clean the bathrooms,' finished Cordelia. 'Now after that little summation, shouldn't we be looking for Ms Brewer's next victim?'

Doyle tapped the monitor and scanned down the screen, trying to find something that would help them.

'I don't think it's going to be as easy as that, sweetheart. It's not as though these attacks follow a pattern or anything.'

'Except for the gruesome death thing?'

'Yeah, except for that.'

'That's Wolfram and Hart for you,' said Megan, 'Full of exciting new ways to meet your death.'

'And that wouldn't be the voice of someone with a grudge, would it?'

She glared at Xander, who nodded and fled for the safety of the coffee machine. He'd seen one or two ghosts back in Sunnydale, and in his experience, they got pissed off real easy.'

Wesley sank into the chair and tapped the papers against his lip.

'What we need is inside information.'

Cordelia raised an eyebrow at him.

'Like spy stuff?'

'Like a look at the files they keep on her would help.'

She nodded.

'Spy stuff.'

Doyle rubbed his forehead and looked out of the window.

'I don't know, man. It's not like it's an open invitation place or anything. More likely to get hung up with one of their less discerning clients.'

Wesley nodded.

'I agree, it's not good, but there must be something we can do.'

Cordelia gestured to the elevator with the tip of her pen.

'Pray for an answer?'

There was silence for a moment and the sound of the door opening was suddenly very loud.

They turned to see Lindsay McDonald, face paled, walking quickly forward.

'I need your help.'

'What?'

He stared at Cordelia.

'I want out.'

Doyle leaned down and whispered to her.

'They're representing God these days as well?'
 

*
 

Angel sat on the edge of the bed, sated, but somehow still tense. Spike slept peacefully behind him, snoring leisurely, his arm still wrapped round Angel's waist. He'd been passionate, almost clingy, and that just wasn't like him. The dark vampire was ashamed that he hadn't even noticed that there was anything bothering Spike. From past experience, it could take years to find out what it was.

We hide, he thought as Spike's grip shifted slightly. We hide from the world, from each other - predators without the fight. Sure, Spike takes it out on demons, and, to some extent, so do I. But we're both defanged, more or less, incapable of fulfilling our true nature.

He sighed.

Being a tamed beast isn't all it's cracked up to be.

Spike moved again and his fingers brushed the top of Angel's thigh before falling to the mattress. Angel climbed out of bed quickly before Spike could assume his blissful possession. Grabbing his pants of the chair, he made for the door, determined not to get side-tracked and climb back into bed. Despite Spike's more than welcome attempts to take his mind off it, the Brewer case kept coming back to haunt him. He'd felt so helpless, unable to help those he felt responsible for. That Wolfram and Hart were involved was just the icing on a very bitter cake - they had scores to settle on both sides, not the least of which was lumbering them with a voyeuristic ghost.

He moved to close the door, but Angel couldn't help pausing, looking back toward the bed, just to check he was still there. Spike had wriggled in his absence, filling out the bed, sheet draped around his hips, one corner wrapped around his leg. Sleeping, he looked innocent, and though he could never blind himself to the truth, for that moment, Angel wanted to believe it.

Love is the strangest, the weirdest thing I've ever felt. It's taken me to my highest moments and my deepest despairs. It's not about passion anymore - with Spike that's a given, I can't move without being aware of him. Love, in its purest form.........I'd give up heaven to stay like this.

Spike snored loudly and rolled over, unaware of the grin his lover gave him.

But I might invest in some of those new age snoring cure therapies first.

'Angel?'

He closed the door behind him and gestured towards the kitchen. Xander edged over, looking distinctly uncomfortable. It wasn't as though he was scared of Angel in any way. He'd had to clean the bathroom after Spike had bought everyone Chicken Madras, insisting they all ate it up. nothing had been scarier than the morning after, when each of them had made sudden excuses and locked themselves in the bathroom for an hour.

Nope, there was pretty much nothing Angel could throw at the boy to compete with that.

'Okay Xander, what?'

The boy flinched, as though he'd been lost in his own thoughts. It was always possible he had some.

'The guys, upstairs.'

'Yeah?'

Xander shrugged.

'You remember how we were all kind of annoyed cause Blind Fury woman got off on a technicality. The technicality being that she's represented by LA's very own scum?'

Angel clenched his fingers. How could he forget?

'I remember.'

Xander nodded.

'Well guess who's upstairs and asking for our help?'

The vampire frowned, wondering if Ms Brewer was paying personal visits now.

'I don't know.'

'I'll give you a clue - if this guy had a farm, Napoleon and Snowball would be fighting for representation.'

Angel snarled as he got up.

'Lindsay.'
 

*
 

'Wake up, you annoying bloody creature of the sodding night, you!'

Spike blinked and rolled, ready to attack whoever was shouting at him. Angel's wakeup calls were nearly always moments to remember, and no-one else in the office ever bothered to get him out of bed.

No-one that is, except the ghost who was flickering in and out of his vision.

So that's what happens to spirits when they get mad, he thought, they go invisible. He rubbed his eyes and reached for his pants, annoyed that he'd spared the subject any thought at all.

'Morning, Love. Nice to see you're all cheery.'

She wavered closer to the bed, seeming to struggle to find somewhere to sit down.

'It's so not a good morning.'

He nodded.

'Yeah, cause if it was, you'd be Angel and I'd be spending the next hour in bed.'

'Very funny.'

He shrugged.

'Come on then, what mind-bendingly pathetic thing's pissed you off so much?'

She glared at him.

'Try your lover in his office, talking to Lindsay McDonald.'

Spike blinked.

'Who?'

Even as she said it, the name, the smell came back to him. What the hell was that wanker doing here? And, for that matter, what Angel doing talking to him and not torturing the crap out of the little shit?

'Why?' he ventured.

She started pacing up and down the room and Spike closed his eyes. Why did everyone he knew pace when they got annoyed? Why couldn't they just give in and shag the hell out of one another? He paused, remembering the insubstantial form of his descendant and shrugged it off. Maybe they'd have to introduce her to phantom Dennis - see if she'd fancy moving in there instead.

'Apparently, Wolfram and Hart have gone just too low for Angel's defector. Seems there're some kids gonna be killed by Blind woman and that's just too insensitive for our boy.'

Spike shook his head.

'He's here to help?'

Megan shrugged.

'Help, get his ass kissed, become one more of Angel's precious little converts. I don't really care.'

She turned to him.

'He got me killed, you almost, and yet they're all playing nursemaid to him up there.'

Spike fastened his fly and reached over for his T-shirt.

'The Poof's many things, Love. But he doesn't play kissy ass with people he doesn't like.'

'Oh no? So the fact that they're planning how to break into Wolfram and Hart together so they can help him out is just an aberration?'

Spike grinned and pulled his T-shirt over his head.

'You know as well as I do that this isn't about McDonald. Angel's saving the kids, nothing more.'

He huffed before pulling open the bedside drawer and wondering how many pairs of black socks a man could own. And why the fuck were they set up in neat little rows? Sometimes Angel was just far too anal.

'Yeah I know that, I'm not stupid.'

'So? Why are you whining about it to me?'

She smiled at him and for a moment, it was like looking in a mirror. It was predatory - wolf-like.

'How about a good dose of revenge?'

'On the lawyer?'

The grin widened, and he remembered how good it felt to feel such clarity of purpose.

'One where he gets all bloody and dead.'

Spike paused. There was nothing he'd like better right now than to get his teeth into a good kill, but chips and promises kind of waylaid that, and the Lindsay character was free of harm from his quarter. Even if he'd wanted to, (which, he guessed, he did) he couldn't lay so much as a finger on the little shit. Which really sucked.

But if he was to, shall we say, assist someone else.........help a lost soul find the light at the end of the tunnel, that couldn't be all bad, could it? If one more soul got to where it was supposed to be, wouldn't that be helping Angel's cause?

Wouldn't he actually be doing the 'right' thing?

He grinned back at her and drew a cigarette into his mouth.

'You're bloody evil, you know that?'

She smiled and sat back down on the bed.

'It's part of my inheritance.'

'Really, Pet? What's the other part?'

She passed a hand through the end of his cigarette, damping the end and putting it out.

'I really get bored easily.'
 

*
 

Lindsay moved into the building, trying hard not to hold his breath, trying hard not to sweat too much.

I'm actually thinking about that, he thought briefly, before stemming down on his thought patterns and moving purposefully forward. Don't think, just do and you might actually get through this. Listen to the vampire, he knew what he was talking about, and hell, he seemed to have a hell of a lot more confidence about it than me.

Course, he's used to people trying to kill him - for me this is entirely new and I don't like it.

God what have I got into?

He didn't know which situation he was talking about. Angel had told him that he wasn't ready to change, that he was only panicking, that it took more than being sickened by the death of children to get out of Wolfram and Hart. That you had to do more than just wear a white hat, you had to tie it under your chin and know it was there even when you thought you'd hung it up for the night.

That fighting the good fight took more than fancy words and money.

Man, that vampire was fond of parables.

He moved towards the stairs, nodding to the security guard as he always did. It had to be his imagination - Jeff wasn't looking at him with more than a cursory glance. The guard didn't sense anything different about him at all. There was nothing in the way he looked or moved that expressed his betrayal. He wasn't doing anything different than he did everyday. And yet he couldn't shake the feeling that every eye was upon him, that Holland knew without being told, and was just waiting for the right moment to pounce.

It couldn't be true, and yet it wouldn't go away.

Stop thinking like this, he urged as he moved up the stairs. If you're going to have any chance of making it out of here alive you're going to have to stop all this doubt. Cause even if the supernatural guys don't sense it, Holland will, or lee, or Lilah, damn her.

He called me evil.

And that's unfair. I'm not evil, I'm not. I tried to tell him, but, huh, let's face it, to him I'm the enemy. He doesn't care about my reasoning, or any decision I make. He' not interested in my motives, just the consequences of my actions. And that Brewer woman gives me the creeps anyway.

This isn't about friendship, or who gets to save a soul. It's about doing the right thing, no matter what, and I can't take the knowledge of sanctifying a child murderer. I can't, I just...it's not within me to do it. I'd be better if it was.

And if I heard of it in passing, if it was Lilah's case, would I do anything to stop it? Or would I just turn a blind eye, just look the other way as I slid up the ladder, greased on deals with the devil, or his Earthly advocate.

Be the one doing the shooting, or be the one shot, it's that simple.

I can't...I can't be the victim.

I've been there, I've done that and it sucks beyond anything these rich bastards know.

Okay Lindsay, just shut up and go do what the man said. Then you can get out of here and think about what comes next.

If I live that long.

He walked toward the research lab and into Lilah.

Great, he thought, the wicked witch of the west...in high heels.
 

*
 

Gunn grinned as they drew up outside Wolfram and Hart.

The idea of a vampire calling on him for help was about as funny as it got, and recently there hadn't been an awful lot to laugh about. Losing his sister was something he refused to think about, knowing the alternative was a whole lot worse. Becoming one of them, becoming the very thing they'd sought to destroy just didn't stand well.

Better to do it this way - at least it was clean.

And then Angel had turned up last night, usual brooding expression plastered across his face, repentant in the extreme that one. But he had spoken about Wolfram and Hart, of the problems they caused, of the children that would suffer without Gunn's help. And whilst he didn't feel he owed the vampire anything - his loss far greater than a reputation and the survival of his friends could compensate for - Angel had spoken of the danger, and inherently, the idea of getting one over on the rich guys held a lot of appeal.

So here he was, ready to walk inside a place that might arrange his death on a business contract, with one of those savage beasts in a bag. Wrapped up tight and ready for a non signing delivery.

Can you get one, Angel had asked and he'd said fine, no problem.

Not his fault if it didn't work out, as far as Gunn was concerned, he'd done more than enough. And if he got to mouth off, so much the better.

He shrugged his shoulders back, checked his watch and walked inside.

'Whoo-whoo! My god! They told me it was true, but I didn't believe them. Damn, here it is! Evil white folks really do have a Mecca.'

The security guards looked at him blankly and he grinned in amusement.

This was going to be more fun than he'd hoped.
 

*
 

Lindsay checked his watch and looked toward the monitor.

The young guy in the lobby he assumed Angel had sent was just rounding up his speech. Fucking kid, full of resentment towards them for having money, for being better than him. If he wasn't working on the same side temporarily, Lindsay knew he'd be calling out the guards to take more than just his delivery down.

But this was important and he'd long ago learned to put personal and business into separate categories. Thing was, he wasn't sure what today counted as.

The thing in the corner threw its head back and squealed as Gunn dumped the blanket covered creature in the corner of the room. As the security guard reacted and picked up the phone, announcing a vampire on the premises, Lindsay looked to the monitor again and switched the camera detailing Angel's entrance to a different view.

His job done, he relaxed a little and moved toward the door, thanking Howard for his time and making general excuses. All he had to do now was get out and back to Angel's offices. Perhaps there he might find some peace of mind, find the place in the world that Holland had talked about.

Perhaps he'd know what to do next.

Lost in thought, he closed the door behind him, confident that at least part of the plan had worked.

He didn't see the lobby.

He didn't see the first guard fall, nor the second.

He didn't see the way their night-sticks-come-stakes were broken and slammed out of the way.

He didn't see the vicious countenance of the vampire as he headed upstairs.

He didn't know Spike was coming for him.

William the Bloody raged once more.
 

*
 

Spike knocked out the camera as he headed towards the office he'd been in last time he was in the building. He picked up the fire extinguisher and threw it against a door, breaking it and grinning at the freedom of chaos.

The mild pain he felt as he attacked each guard was nothing compared to that he normally experienced, and somehow it felt good to be so violent again, even if he'd laid off killing the silly sods whilst he found Lindsay. Even now, Angel had to be somewhere in the basement, trying to break into the vault, trying to help out the lawyer bastard whilst Spike and Megan worked out a reasonable way of torturing him to death.

It wouldn't be so bad, he thought as he cracked a picture on the wall. Angel gets to save the kids, and I get to practise my human hating. Perfect arrangement all round. And what with this 'not getting hurt' thing, I could torture the lawyer all night...or longer.

It had been inspired, the solution to their problem. Spike couldn't physically touch Lindsay cause of the chip, and Megan couldn't touch him because she was basically untouchable herself. But the one thing that they did have on their side was something Wolfram and Hard were originally responsible for.

Angel had come down to their apartment, solemn and expecting Spike's response before he'd even given it. And Spike had happily listened whilst Angel told him blow by blow what he intended to do. The older vampire obviously felt guilty, and instead of bringing him out of his depressing mood, Spike had encouraged him, playing the petulant and annoyed creature of the night for all it was worth.

I don't feel guilty for fooling him, he told himself, because I'm fucked if the lawyer deserves any help. Besides which, he'd more suspicious if I was happy and up for it. So that's not a guilty twinge I'm feeling, fuck that. I'm just doing what needs to be done, same as him. Only he doesn't always see that some buggers should die.

Or at least be tortured slowly, just enough to make them wish they were dead.

'I'm not going,' he'd said.

Angel had hung his head and nodded grimly.

'I thought you might not.'

And again that twinge, but it wasn't guilt, wasn't anything like heart ache...

'It's okay, I understand. It's not like I'm fond of the guy, myself. But the kids...I can't leave them for that bitch to kill.'

Spike had nodded, and at least that felt true. He didn't like the idea of psycho woman being around, and if she could kill the vulnerable without qualms, it didn't make her a reasonable negotiator. He'd hate to think that at some point he and Angel would be on the receiving end of her wrath...calm wrath? Was there a word for the impersonal assassinations she did?

Okay, assassination came pretty close, but there was something about her, something unsettling that even made vampires feel creeped out.

'Look, love,' he'd said finally before Angel had left to speak to Gunn, 'you do what you think you need to do, and if it comes that you need help kicking that bitch into touch, I'm your vampire. But worrying about that...asshole, just doesn't take priority.'

And Angel had smiled, that sad half smile that made Spike long to take hold of him and kiss the silly bugger until penitence was the last thing on his mind. But he quashed the feeling, knowing...hoping that there would be time later, and settled for a brief kiss, tasting the longing in Angel's mouth.

'When this is over,' murmured Angel, 'I'll give everyone a week's vacation and get the ghost to go.'

'Oh yeah? Got something in mind, pet?'

And that smile had been happier, something Cordelia assured him didn't exist before he came.

'You, me, the entire frozen desert section.'

He'd chuckled and drawn Angel close, wondering absently if the deception was really worth it. But what he'd discussed with Megan - if they could do it, that trip to Sunnydale might not be necessary.

Talking Gunn into letting him be the bagged vampire had been easy. After all, whilst Angel had come off all Batman looking for a Robin, (and damn anyone who put Spike in that role - he never looked that good in tights) Spike had been his usual charming self, naturally putting Gunn and the rest of his associates in a tense place. The only reason he'd escaped a staking was because they didn't touch the vulnerable. Something to do with a code, which was fine with him, as long as his ass didn't become skewer central.

He was sick of pity though, and if this worked...

Whistling to himself, Spike rounded a corner and spotted Lindsay walking nervously towards a bathroom. This was better than he'd expected and, with a grin, he edged away from the camera and followed the young man inside.

A scrawny guy with fear tattooed all over him, pushed past Spike and through the door, as if he hadn't even noticed that the vampire was in the room. Now that bloke's got something on his mind, thought Spike, and if I had the time or the patience, I'd include him in on our little torture plan.

But since I'm not known for my patience...

'All right there, Lindsay?'

The young lawyer turned, fear etched across his face. It didn't fade when he realised who it was, cheering Spike right up.

'What do you want,' he managed.

Spike shrugged his shoulders and reached into his pocket for his smokes.

'Got a present for you, pet.'
 

*
 

Angel paused as he was about to leave the vault, the files all safely secured inside the briefcase he'd bought a few weeks ago. So far everything had gone to plan and all he had to do now was leave, make his way home and figure out from the files where the kids were.

Maybe by then Spike would have forgiven him for not garrotting Lindsay as soon as his well clad ass had walked through the door.

It wasn't as though Angel really cared about the man in any way at all. If the powers that be had insisted that Lindsay was a soul to be saved, he would have backed away. Lindsay hadn't almost had their lover killed, hadn't struggled every day to try and eliminate Angel investigations from their inquiries. They didn't hold the man up as a symbol of everything that was wrong in LA.

Of course, nor did Angel, really, but it was all too easy to just look at this bright young man who'd walked the stony path and judge him. But he couldn't, he shouldn't. Compared to the acts he'd done as Angelus, getting a few killers off just didn't compare. And telling himself that his soul made all the difference didn't help either.

Lindsay had started to try and justify his life and Angel had cut him off at the pass. Wesley, Doyle, Xander, Cordelia...they had problems, they'd had tough lives, but it hadn't made them evil people and it hadn't excused their sense of right and wrong. And whilst he understood the man's decision not to be the underdog, he wasn't prepared to let him blame the whole thing on something that happened in childhood and leave it at that.

He didn't know what he expected Lindsay to do after this. Stopping someone killing kids was one thing, but the lawyer was too wrapped up in the perks and the thrill of winning to give it up and start over. Still, people could do surprising things sometimes - Sunnydale had taught him that. Hell, Spike had taught him that, long before he'd even acquired that nickname.

He couldn't shake the feeling that Spike was up to something though. Although the younger vampire was an accomplished liar, since he had come to LA he rarely lied, seeing no reason to hide behind deceit. It was one of the things that made Angel feel so secure, knowing that all he had to do was ask Spike, and he'd get the honest, if slightly crude version. But today, (and last night for that matter) there had been something 'off' about his response.

There had been a moment when he was sure the vampire was going to kiss him, tell him to blow this whole deal off and shag until the cows came home. And if he'd done it, Angel would have closed his eyes to the problem for long enough to earn them both some release. There was nothing like it, not before and certainly with no one else - loving Spike was unique and something else.

Yeah, loving him felt powerful, as if nothing else could touch them when they were together. Fanciful maybe, but there was precious little in his life that had ever made him feel so invulnerable. The knowledge of being loved, of being known so well was intoxicating. They were so in tune with one another, he could sense when Spike was hurt, when he was well, and when he was hornier than a sex-starved rabbit.

Which was why he knew Spike was lying.

God, don't let him be doing something dangerous enough to kill him. Don't let him be that stupid.

Don't let him leave me.

Resolved to leave, Angel walked toward the door.

And he turned, feeling something he couldn't ignore, feeling something that felt like Spike, something that called to him.

And as he moved to the cylinder, he wondered what the siren call was.

He picked it up.
 

*
 

Holland uncovered his ears as the alarms finally stopped.

He wondered if there was a less deafening way of setting alarms off. After all, they had enough security equipment, both spiritual and technical...and some combining the two.

He was used to his lunch appointment being interrupted, and today had been no exception, but at least there had been a positive outcome. How wonderful.

Of course, now he had to go through the tedious process with the mind readers.

Terrible - they never gave you the really juicy stuff.

Ah well, best to just grit ones teeth and get on with it.

He watched as the telepaths walked along the line and glared meaningfully at each employee. Whilst he'd once stood there, nervous, worried, wondering if his every thought would get him fired (or worse, he discovered after a brief encounter with a career termination) once he'd settled down and chosen his place, such things no longer worried him.

He could see them tensing now, most of them. Lee seemed a little tense, but then, his tetchy nature seemed to always leave him that way. You couldn't fault the man for knowing what was going on, almost before Holland knew himself. Some day soon, he'd find out exactly where the man's loyalties were, and where all that juicy information came from.

Maybe today.

Lilah seemed as disinterested as usual. It was rare to find a person, let alone a woman so dispassionate. She rarely responded with anything more than disdain to these sweeps and whilst her faultless information and tactics were fascinating to discover, there was something about that poised stance that set her in the same cast as Vanessa Brewer - something that made his skin crawl.

And between them stood a heavily perspiring Lindsay.

If there had ever been evidence that the man was going through emotional changes, it was here in this office. He looked...hmm...he looked as though the Brewer case was praying heavily on his mind. Holland sighed and decided to pass the case over to Lilah, even if it did mean going over Lindsay's head. He almost smiled when he thought of the three of them - squabbling children going after the best toy, using their various talents to get it.

Lee would always use his fox like cunning, his stealth and downright nastiness. Lilah used style and deception, and if it meant one of the boys losing his balls over the job, she wouldn't hesitate. And Lindsay...well Lindsay would use his natural intelligence and that desire not to be discounted. When he'd seen him first, Holland knew that the boy held the chip of all poverty stricken kids - don't ignore me just because I have to work harder. I will work harder, I'll be everything you ask, just don't count me out.

And Holland hadn't, and Lindsay had done almost all that he promised.

Almost.

Time that boy had a vacation he mused, just before the telepaths returned to his side and told him who'd be staying on and who'd be leaving...immediately. He stepped forward in front of them and assumed a suitably solemn expression.

'Well, I have to say, this is a shame. It's just a shame. Whenever I hear of disloyalty it...ah, hurts me.'

He gestured to himself.

'Hurts me personally.'

Lindsay blinked and ignored the sweat dripping down his forehead. He stared steadily at a point two inches to the left of Holland's head, ignoring his boss, ignoring the glaringly obvious fear he was giving off.

Holland looked over to where the security guard stood and gave him a barely perceptible smile.

'But this kind of thing really has to be dealt with, quickly and cleanly.'

He watched as Lindsay slowly swivelled his eyes round to face him.

Call me out, he seemed to be saying, I dare you.

Holland almost grinned, but there were pressing matters to be dealt with first.

He turned easily to Lee.

'I'm sorry Lee, I truly am.'

The shock was unmistakable.

'What? No!'

As the skinny man flinched, Holland noted that Lindsay still wasn't relaxing. Obviously has something to hide...it'll be interesting to discover what.

'You've been in secret talks with Klein and Gruber...'

Lee shook his head.

'They approached me,' he said desperately.

Holland continued regardless.

'You were planning on taking clients with you.'

'You don't understand, they misread me...' babbled Lee as the guard cocked the gun behind his head. 'I just wanted Klein and Gerber to think...'

He stopped abruptly as the bullet put an end to that and all other conversations. Blood spattered against Lindsay, but he didn't even pull away.

Holland reached for his handkerchief and shrugged.

'Terminating an employee is never pleasant.'

He sighed.

'That's all.'

He watched as Lindsay lurched toward the door.

He definitely needs a vacation, he decided. Must have a word with him in the morning when all this unpleasantness has left his mind. In the meantime...

'Lindsay,' he called before the man left the room. 'Take the day off.'

The boy turned.

'Sir?'

Holland smiled.

'You look like hell. Go home and sleep it off. We can't have our clients believing we work you to death, can we?'

Lindsay paused, then nodded and left the office.

Holland sighed and gestured to the body.

'Get that out of here would you.'

The security guard nodded whilst Holland hit the intercom.

'Leslie, I think we're going to need that extra roll of carpet...yes, same as last time.'

He leaned back in his chair and watched as Lee's limp form was removed.

Sometimes, you just had to break children apart and let them find their own way.

He just hoped Lindsay's was with the firm.

Otherwise...
 

*
 

'Where's Spike?'

'Where's Lindsay,' asked Cordelia.

Angel shook his head.

'Don't know, don't care. Now where's Spike?'

Xander shrugged.

'No idea, he said he had stuff to take care of and I really didn't feel up to asking.'

There was the barest hint of a growl in Angel's voice.

'Did he say anything at all about where he was going?'

Cordelia stared at him.

'Well gee, Angel, I don't know. But my first guess is that he's out there drinking and celebrating you taking on the guy who almost killed him.'

Angel swallowed and nodded slowly whilst Cordelia looked away and picked up an armful of files.

'Well that or found some poor schmuck to torture.'

Xander held is hand up.

'Does it make me shallow if I'm okay with that as long as it's not me?'

'No,' said Cordelia, 'it does make you a wimp and an asshole.'

Xander nodded.

'That's okay, as long as I'm not shallow.'

She giggled and looked toward Angel who was drawing his coat back on.

'And where are you going? We have files to decipher!'

Angel gestured to his office, where Doyle and Wesley were going through various texts.

'You have them, you can phone Willow. You don't need me.'

'Well duh, but where are you going?'

Angel walked to the door.

'I'm going to find him.'

She threw her hands in the air.

'Angel, there are millions of people in this city! How are you going to find just one?'

'Leave it, Cordy,' said Xander as the vampire hunched his shoulders and left.

'What? How can you tell me to leave it when he's going out there looking for Spike, whilst we have to do the hard work...again!'

Xander shrugged.

'You have no idea how weird this feels to say, and I'm freaking as I actually say it, but that's love, Cordy.'

She raised an eyebrow at him.

'Skipping out on your sacred duty to find your bump and grind partner?'

He chuckled.

'Choosing one person over anyone else.'

'Oh.'

She looked at him, a puzzled expression on her face.

'Didn't I read that in your fortune cookie the other night?'

'Hey, I never claimed to be original, just honest.'

Cordelia nodded and brushed her hand along his forehead, moving a stray hair out of the way.

'Sometimes I think you may just be too dumb to lie.'

'That too.'
 

*
 

There were a couple of holes in the roof and the whole place stunk of burned meat.

Lindsay swallowed hard and slumped forward on the floor. His nose ran briefly with blood and the migraine he felt was overwhelming. He'd never felt pain quite like it. It felt as though his head was swimming and he knew for certain that his vision was blurred. He shuddered hard as it left him, the freedom of thought only just compensating for being the only one in his head once more.

With a groan, he rolled to his side and tried to look up, seeing only a blurry dark shadow and a swirl of air. He couldn't focus and he coughed hard as the dust crept up his nose. Couldn't see anything properly.

He could hear them, though.

'Now that really felt dirty.'

There was something about that voice - it was hazy, almost like a radio signal that faded in and out. Something familiar though, but he couldn't quite place it.

'Well it's your second time, pet. Can't all have minds as pristine as mine.'

'Oh hur, hur. Like hanging in your head was any big fun.'

Lindsay ran his tongue along suddenly dry lips and tried to focus again. It was growing slightly clearer, but his brain couldn't cope with what he was seeing.

'Worked though, didn't it, pet. Bloody thing couldn't function properly cause it didn't know what was going on.'

'Like a signal that jammed. Tingly though.'

Lindsay watched as the vapour like creature moved closer to the vampire.

'Still, at least your mind's simple - clean. Not like the big ethical dilemma he's got going on.'

'He's a lawyer, pet. Can't deal with the stuff he does so he separates the lot.'

'Oh...icky.'

The lawyer in question got to his knees and looked up at them as Spike noticed him with a grin.

'Show-time, love. Better do your thing.'

He couldn't be sure, but the shadow passed across the vampire and disappeared, as Spike shuddered briefly and rubbed his head. But before Lindsay could move, a well aimed kick caught him in his side and he howled into the empty warehouse.

A firm hand gripped his neck and pulled him uncomfortably back.

'Hello, pet. Seems like you and me are going to be spending a bit of quality time - you know, discuss some of them business practises you get up to.'

'You...can't hurt...me,' spluttered Lindsay through gritted teeth. 'The chip...'

Spike nodded and stood up again, kicking the lawyer hard in the kidneys.

'Let's just say I've found a loophole.'
 

*
 

Angel was prowling.

He knew he was doing it and tried to make a conscious effort to straighten up and walk the streets like any other man...like any other vampire who happened to be stalking the streets looking for a sign of his lover.

He growled at the knowledge, startling an old lady in front of him. As she leaned instinctively back, he tried to offer her a smile. But the damage had been done and she backed off quickly. He stood there a moment, watching her go, wondering if this was really the world he wanted to be a part of.

Back in Galway, people had been more trusting...or so it seemed. He allowed himself a grin as he recalled the community he'd once been a part of. Well even that was pushing it - he'd longed to get away from its small town mentality and closed circuit of friends he'd had. He was expected, like every other lad he'd grown up with, to settle down in the family business, find a nice girl with a hefty dowry and pour his life away. Of all his peers, Angel wasn't entirely alone in wanting to escape that fate, but he was the only one who'd had a chance, even if he'd had to die to gain it.

Could I have just walked away?

Is there any chance I would have ignored Darla and lived out my dull existence in Galway?

He shrugged and moved forward.

It was hardly a new question - he'd been asking himself the same thing since the day his soul had been restored. But he knew the answer would never change, he'd been longing for something new, and she glittered - glowed in the gentle town. There had never really been a question of doing something else, and his fate was sealed before she set a single dainty foot in the alley.

And then he shook his head, moving away from that false comfort. There's always a choice, he'd told Lindsay last night. There's always a decision other than the one you made, even if wasn't a better one. But what did it matter, really? Liam had walked into that alley, Angelus had fed from the gypsy, Angel had....fallen in love with his own childe.

He could almost hear Spike chuckling at this moping, reminding him that there were far better things to think about than the past. There was all this delicious future in which he could be stripped naked and rolling about the bed with a certain blond vampire. Or they could be fighting side by side against something which literally begged to have its throat torn out.

Or he could be drifting to sleep peacefully, a cool body pressed up against his, legs and arms possessively holding him, head pressed against his chest, spare limbs resting easily along the rest of the mattress. He could hear the slow snore which evolved into a chuckle every now and again. He could feel the way Spike seemed to itch his face, nuzzling against his chest, feeling his lips brush past a nipple, and there was always a moment in which the vampire nearly woke. Mostly, he just shifted his head and relaxed, dreaming whatever dreams Spike happened to dream.

There had been choices, he really couldn't deny that, and he had over time made some phenomenally bad ones. But loving Spike...he'd looked over it and over it and there wasn't a single way he could see that being a bad thing. How else would two lairy old vampires wind up fighting for the greater good? Even if they both questioned it frequently? Even if one of them only happened to be on the 'right' side by accident?

Fate wasn't something set in stone, or at least, not a stone you couldn't hack away at. And Spike had managed to hone a sharply edged chisel, refusing to accept anything other than what he wanted. Instant gratification was what had driven him once, and to some extent, it still did. But what he wanted had been narrowed down, and he'd adapted to every challenge and setback with more ease than Angel had managed in a century.

So Angel found himself getting down to some basic thinking. What do I want? Easy, shorter than me, blonder, wittier and far more able to brush off unwelcome thoughts. See, even when it's a simple question you don't give the direct answer. Okay, so I want Spike. And? Okay, I want Spike and some hot and heaving sex, I want to lave at his body with my tongue, I want to feel his skin against mine, in me, around me, so close you'd need a crowbar...and again with the too much information. Cordelia would be laughing.

After she'd been officially grossed out that is.

He sighed and looked around. This street seemed identical to the one before it, and dammit, like the almost any other he'd been down tonight.

How can I find him if I don't know where to start looking?

What about the kids?

Which comes first?

He leaned into an alleyway and smelt the rats. Whatever he'd become since he'd gained his soul, he knew he'd changed - Angel was no longer the wretch who struggled to exist with himself day by day, feeling useless and frightened. Okay so sometimes those feelings came back, but they weren't constant, and they weren't even everyday issues.

Not any more.

He reached into his coat pocket and drew out the cell phone, hoping that Spike hadn't been using it to make prank calls to Cordelia. He checked the battery and huffed into the night air. At least he had enough to call back to the office - to see if they'd made any progress.

'Hello, Angel Investigations, we help the hopeless, well we would, only big and broody's out looking for his...'

'Xander,' he said quickly, 'it's me. Any progress with those files?'

He could almost hear the mental gear-shifting.

'Hey, Angel. Right the files thing. Well, they were encrypted.'

The vampire groaned.

'Any luck breaking the code?'

'Uh huh. Willow came up with the goodies. Turns out they've been doing the same thing back in Sunnydale.'

Angel shivered as though a wind had passed by him. He looked around, but it was quiet, almost desolate in its emptiness. He rubbed the bridge of his nose and tried to pay attention.

'So what is it, where are they?'

'The kids? Well I've got the address for you, but you're not going to believe what Wesley's come up with.'

There it was again. Not a wind, something closer than that, something...that chilled his blood.

'Angel, you still there?'

He looked around...something...near. He was...watched?

'Okay Xander, just give me the address. I'll go get them out before she can get near them.'

'Sure. But that scroll you picked up...'

Angel blinked and swapped the ear he held the phone to. He couldn't hear any difference, but still...

'What about the scroll?'

Xander chuckled.

'Turned out it's a regular this is your life, or your unlife. Wesley says it's got your lowdown.'

'Uh huh.'

'Hey Deadboy, that was supposed to be a big. Or do prophetic scrolls fall in your lap every day?'

Okay, now he definitely saw something. There was movement in the warehouse beyond and he strode towards it, covering as much ground as he could without running.

'Xander - I'll ring you back in a minute. There's something here.'

'Hell of a conversationalist, you know that, don't you?'

Angel clicked the phone off and slid into the darkness, keeping as quiet as he could, trying to see inside. It was no good, the lights were too dim and the window too dirty.

There was nothing else for it.

Angel opened the door, wincing at the slight creak it emitted, and then he was inside.

There was definitely something in here.
 

*
 

'You know what really pisses me off?'

Lindsay groaned and rolled onto his side, trying to cover the ribs recently cracked. The vampire had only touched him a few times, but each kick or punch had landed with such precision that it had left him winded, recovering slowly as Spike talked in that low pleasant voice, describing in detail what you could do to the human body with a railroad spike.

They'd passed through what were apparently Spike's golden years, torturing and maiming his way round Europe, taking what he wanted, destroying what he didn't. Lindsay had read about some of it - they kept fairly accurate history books at the firm and he was a stickler for research, but to hear Spike talk about it, to hear him revel in his gruesome victories turned his stomach.

He would have been sick, only he'd done that three times already, and all he got now were dry heaves. As he closed his eyes, a heavy boot connected with his tender spine.

'Oi, lawyer boy. Don't go passing out on me. You and me, we've got a few hours till morning and I'm not wasting them by trying to wake your bony ass up.'

Lindsay grimaced and attempted to sit up. There was a bruise on his ass the size of a football and it was one of the few places that wasn't actually throbbing in pain.

He struggled to look up.

'I didn't have to come to find you, to tell you about the children...'

Spike crossed his chest.

'You mean you did it out of the goodness of your corrupted little heart? Well blow me, I've gone and done something really naughty, haven't I? You were only trying to help.'

The silly me look evaporated as soon as Spike was back within kicking range and the vampire brought his left boot down hard on Lindsay's ankle.

As the man shrieked, Spike bent down and grabbed his hair, pulling Lindsay's head back so that he was face to face with the demon.

'You really thought that one bit of info was going to absolve your crimes? You really thought you could change?'

Lindsay spat blood and managed to stare into the fierce yellow eyes.

'I didn't want them killed.'

Spike nodded and sat back, dropping Lindsay's head back to the floor.

'Let me tell you what I think, mate.'

He drew out a cigarette and lit up, waving its fiery tip in the chilly air.

'You're not going to lecture me again? I thought Angel was the soul saver?'

The vampire chuckled and Lindsay shuddered at how inhuman they could seem. And I thought it was bestial at Wolfram and Hart. I didn't have a clue.

'Well Angel's in it for the soul saving. Now me, I'd rather see you break right now, give in and admit that being evil's a whole lot more fun.'

'I'm not...evil...it's just a job.'

Spike chuckled.

'Oh and you believe that don't you. Tell me, pet. Just how do you think your boss...'

'Holland.'

'Right, Holland...Just how would he react if he knew you'd been conspiring with the enemy?'

The bullet ripped through Lee's head again and Lindsay shuddered. It was just the cold of the warehouse, he told himself, it's just knowing that Spike's unleashed, and that neither of them in that head want me alive and back in my apartment.

He shook his head.

'He'd have me killed.'

Spike sucked on the cigarette and grinned.

'Honesty? Isn't that outlawed with your lot?'

Lindsay ran his finger over his lip, the blood sliding from his mouth for what seemed like the fourth time in hours.

'Aren't you supposed to be in love? Aren't you breaking some vampire law by swearing off blood just because you want Angel?'

Spike growled and Lindsay tensed, waiting for the fangs to descend, for his throat to be torn out. But Spike merely dragged down the last of his cigarette and reached for another.

'I'm pretty sure it's a well known bad idea to try and piss your torturer off, mate.'

Lindsay spat on the floor, slightly alarmed at how red it was.

'If you're going to kill me, kill me, but don't make me listen to your life story while you do it.'

The vampire grinned.

'You know, you wouldn't have made a bad vampire yourself - got the 'talking big' down. Now if you could only do something about the lawyer crap you keep coming out with, we could be in business.'

Lindsay shook his head, feeling as though marbles were rattling round in there.

'I don't want to be like you.'

Spike got closer and blew smoke in his face.

'You don't get it, pet, do you?'

'Get what?'

He grinned again, waving the lit end round like a baton.

'You don't think they call you bloodsuckers for the hell of it?'

Lindsay groaned and buried his head between his knees. Crippling pain and cheap gags? If he'd had the energy, he'd have walked out. As it was...

'I'm nothing like you.'

'Sure you are.'

Spike lay down on the floor and pulled Lindsay back toward him, hair coming off under his fingers.

'You live on other folks misery, get a happy when you get away with dirty, unspeakable things.'

He chuckled.

'I bet you're walking round with a stiffy every day you watch some poor sucker get sucked down into the pits.'

He shifted his grip, causing the wincing Lindsay nose to nose with him.

'As long as you're on top, no one else matters, do they?'

Lindsay huffed and yanked away.

'If I'm a vampire, what does that make you?'

Spike shrugged.

'Good looking and deeply perceptive?'

Lindsay shook his head again.

'I've known vampires. They'd have killed me by now. Let's face it Spike, you've gone soft.'

Spike kicked him in the ribs, growled and kicked again as the lawyer fell backwards.

'Did that feel fucking soft, boy?'

Lindsay cradled his ribs and rocked back, managing to face the vampire.

'You sleep next to the vampire with a soul. You do what he tells you and all so that you can get laid.'

He wiped away the blood on his lip and flicked it at Spike.

'I think that qualifies you to be the more pathetic creature.'

Spike paused a moment, and Lindsay thought he'd hit his mark, but then the vampire grinned and looked away, finding another packet of cigarettes in that long coat.

'All right, you've made a good point there, pet. Well researched, but one of us wakes up happy and hard every day, confident that there's going to be enough food, sex and violence to suit our needs.'

He held the lighter to the tip.

'And it's not fucking you, is it?'

Lindsay nodded.

'At least I'm not pretending to be something else.'

Spike blew smoke out, and as it cleared, he vamped out.

'And what am I then?'

'An animal.'

The vampire chuckled.

'Better than an asshole though, isn't it?'

He stopped laughing as something touched the edge of his hearing.

'What's the matter, Spike? Not as funny as you thought?'

Spike snuffed out the cigarette and bent down, clamping a hand across Lindsay's mouth.

'Quiet, you little shit, someone's near by.'
 

*
 

Angel moved silently into the warehouse, tensing as he sensed the other move along the far side. God only knew what this place had once stored - it was broken off into musty smelling pens, giving him plenty of places to hide behind...plenty of places for someone to be hiding.

He turned the corner and stopped as the edge of his vision blurred.

Someone was definitely moving there.

As quietly as he could, he edged forward, trying to see who he was sharing the dankness with.

And why is it always dank? Why can't I get involved, just once in somewhere classy and stylish?

He thought back to the eighties club he'd encountered shortly after he arrived in LA. That had a style of sorts, and it had been warm and dry. And Spike-free, he reminded himself. And don't forget the donkey demon.

Donkey demon?

He shook his head, unable to remember the real name of the thing that had killed all those lonely people. Unwilling to make his position heard, he kept the sigh in - lonely people, he'd fit right in there. All a bunch of misfits looking for someone. Of course, the someone in his case had turned out to be a police woman, and she'd been convinced that Angel was the perpetrator until he'd managed to catch the real thing...and passed it off as a human culprit.

And that was back when she actually liked me.

He edged forward, barely daring to look, in case whatever it was realised he was there and left. Moving one foot in front of another slowly, he rounded one pen and found it empty. He caught something moving at the edge of his vision and spun round.

Someone was running on the far side.

Damn, he'd been seen.

He grunted and took off after them, gaining ground, leaping over the broken gates, coming closer. He could almost see the outline, but it was dark, and whoever it was, they were smaller and slightly more agile than him. Angel growled and picked up the pace, hoping the length of his stride was going to be enough to catch them.

It barely occurred to him to question why they were running, why he was pursuing.

If he'd been asked, he'd probably have frowned, and then answered, 'instinct'.

But no one asked, no one was there, and when Vanessa turned round and slammed the edge of her walking stick into his gut, the howl the vampire let out was more of surprise than pain.

But there was no time to be shocked, because she was coming, and she was deadly.

And she was all out to kill Angel.
 

*
 

The scream echoed through the warehouse.

Spike's hand dropped away from Lindsay's mouth and he stood up.

'What?'

The vampire ignored him and turned round, looking, for the first time since Lindsay had met him, worried.

'What's the matter, Spike? Afraid someone else has a better torture style than you?'

Spike ignored him.

'Angel,' he murmured.

He ran toward the door, stopping suddenly as though he'd hit a wall.

Lindsay got to his knees and cradled his ribs.

'Angel's out there?'

Spike shook his head and tried to move forward. Again there was that wall and he heard the grunts of battle grow louder. He howled and ran, falling to his knees before he could reach the door.

'Get out of my head!'

The lawyer rubbed his nose, confused. He understood that Spike's inhibitor chip was hampered by the presence of, er...the granddaughter's spirit, but what the hell was going on now? Spike was hurling himself against the walls, toward Angel, but he wasn't getting anywhere. Almost as though...

Oh, I get it.

...As though being possessed was working against him.

Spike growled and hit his skull, as though he was trying to dislodge the now unwelcome tenant.

'Get out of my head you stupid bint!'

#This was not the deal#

The vampire roared and slammed his fist against his skull.

'Look I'll torture him later, just let me go and help the poof!'

#No. I died because of him. He goes first, then we get Angel#

Lindsay struggled to his feet, a deep pain within his gut. Something inside was hurt and the steady flow of blood from his mouth was definitely beginning to worry him. On the other hand, he wasn't hitting himself, screaming because someone else was controlling his movement.

'Fuck off! Angel's in danger and he needs my bloody help, now get the hell out!'

#No! This means more! Angel can take care of himself. If we lose Lindsay now, I won't get another chance!#

'What are you talking about, you silly cow? Just get out, get out and let me go!'

#He killed me! He deserves to die!#

'Granted, right, I'll do it, but not now!'

#Now#

'Spike!'

Spike shook his head and turned to see Lindsay standing, an arrogant look on his face.

'What?'

The lawyer gestured to the outside.

'She wants to kill me, let her do it herself.'

As Spike shook his head in confusion, the fog lifted and he stumbled back, the spirit flying across the warehouse toward the young man. But he was already turning to go as it descended on Lindsay, and as the man screamed at the intrusion, Spike was already out of the building and heading towards Angel.

But he heard the noise behind him, heard the breaking of limbs, and smelt the blood.
 

*
 

Angel rolled to avoid the blow of her staff, but she was on him almost immediately.

How does she do it, he thought briefly as he dodged out of the way. She knows where I am almost before I do. And she's damn strong.

He leapt over the side of a pen and ran into the open space in the middle of the warehouse. She was behind him of course, but whilst Angel was striking out and missing his mark, she was hitting him with precise, deadly precision.

And that stick of hers had come dangerously near his heart more than once.

She thrust forward again and Angel felt the sharp edge pierce his gut again, groaning as the pain hit him. How was he going to do this? How could he even hope to beat her?

She edged past him and came up on the other side, hitting him in the thigh before stepping back, ready for another attack. Angel winced, but something about the style seemed familiar. He'd seen it before, he was certain, but he couldn't remember when, or who.

Vanessa raised her walking stick and moved to stake him, shifting suddenly and thrusting out at an unseen attacker. It caught within her attacker's belly, and Angel saw, with mixed horror and relief, as Spike rolled to the floor, keeping hold of the weapon, growling at the pain.

Still, it wasn't as though they could relax yet.

Even without weapons, she was deadly, and Angel gave himself a moment to try and think where he'd seen that style before. Monks, yeah, but where?

And he watched as she walked towards Spike, feet kicking lethally against the already lodged weapon. As Angel got to his feet and moved toward her, she turned her head and thrust out a flat hand, catching him beneath his rib. He winced, and then froze as she moved her head back to the shifting creature on the floor.

Angel bit his lip as realisation dawned.

T-Rex.

Before she could hit Spike again, he leapt towards him and knocked the vampire out of the way, rolling with him until they hit the side of a pen. He clasped a hand across his talkative lover's mouth.

'Don't move,' he whispered.

Spike stilled almost instantly as they saw the woman looking around blankly for them. As her back was turned, Angel grasped the walking stick and yanked it out of Spike's belly, squeezing him tightly against the pain. I'm sorry, he wanted to whisper, but there wasn't time, and he wasn't even sure if this would work.

Vanessa turned again, and he quickly got to his feet, clutching the walking stick to his chest. With a barely perceptible nod to the younger vampire, Angel prayed that he was right. Spike grinned at him and ran across the room, leaping over the pen and catching his foot on the jutting wood. With a howl, he fell, Vanessa landing punches on him, not allowing him to regain the initiative.

If it hadn't been for the pointed stick that emerged in the middle of her chest, he might actually have been in trouble. Vanessa slumped silently, perception finally dimmed.

Angel dropped the stick and bent down to Spike.

'Glad you dropped in.'

The younger vampire nodded.

'Yeah, well you know how it is, pet. I was in the neighbourhood.'

Angel half-smiled and brushed his hand across a fresh lump on Spike's head.

'Not playing nice with the other kids?'

'Yeah, that. Er, might have to have a word about that.'

Angel raised an eyebrow, wondering when he'd last seen Spike struggling for words. His sense of relief seemed to be disappearing.

'What's going on?'

'Kiss me first?'

The dark vampire shook his head.

'Will? Tell me?'

Spike winced and sat up.

'You're going to get all broody.'

'Tell me what it is.'

The vampire withdrew his smokes and lit one up.

'Can I just spare you the details and say we ought to get our asses over there before we have two dead people to deal with?'

Angel frowned in confusion. But he could hear it now, from the direction Spike had arrived, and there was definitely another battle. He turned back to Spike.

'Lindsay?'

'Tall bloke? Cheesy lawyer type? Possessed by a certain dead relative right now?'

Angel sighed.

'This day just isn't getting better, is it?'

'Oh I don't know,' said Spike as he followed him out, 'I might see two gruesome deaths instead of just one.'

'Enough, Spike.'

'Keep your hair on, pet. Let's just go and save the bloody day.'
 

*
 

Lindsay rolled on the floor, trying hard to gain the upper hand.

When he'd come out of Wolfram and Hart, walking on auto-pilot, ignorant of what was happening to him, he had struggled and failed to control his body. He hadn't understood what was going on, and didn't now how to fight it.

Now, as his body was driven into the walls, into anything that had an edge, he knew what he was up against. Didn't mean he knew how to fight it, though.

'Look, I'm sorry!'

#I don't believe you#

'I am,' he screamed as his shoulder was wrenched from its socket, 'I wasn't trying to get you killed!'

#So sorry - and yet I'm dead anyway. You didn't care#

'I don't know you!'

For a moment, he collapsed against a wall, panting as the presence in his head readied itself for a fresh assault.

#I was nothing to you, just a means to an end. Guess what Lindsay, now you get to pay for that ignorance#

He rolled against the edge of the door, his head taking several blows before the blood slipped down towards his neck.

#How does it feel to be the victim, Lindsay?#

'I already know,' he moaned, 'I've always known.'

#Lemme guess. It's either be the victim or the bully#

He whimpered against the cold floor.

'I'm sorry, so sorry.'

#And I'm dead! And nothing you do can change that! Nothing#

His head slammed against the floor until he passed out. But his body was still active, the intruder forcing it to sit upright and trying to work out how to break the remaining uninjured limb.

'Megan?'

Lindsay's head whirled round to see the vampires.

#You said you'd help me kill him#

Angel swallowed and touched his finger's to Spike's hand.

'Kill him?'

The younger vampire shook his head.

'Torture him...a lot. Little bastard deserved that, but I wasn't going to kill him.'

#You said...#

'Look, love, I kill him, Angel gets grumpy - that was never on the cards.'

His hand slowly closed around Angel's own as Lindsay's body got to its feet. He didn't dare look at the older vampire's face.

#You lied to me. Thought we had a deal?#

'You kind of screwed on that yourself, pet. I'm hardly captain Trustworthy.'

#We're family#

She ran forward, broken limbs twisting, arms raised, ready to attack.

'Your family's bloody dead! Go join them!'

And then he was blind. Everything was so bright suddenly, and he closed his eyes, Angel's finger's linked in his own. When he opened them again, the light was gone and Lindsay's body dropped, lying still on the floor.

Angel stepped forward and knelt down, taking stock of the battered torso, feeling the faint pulse.

'He's still alive.'

Spike gestured for Angel to pass the phone.

'She gone?'

'I don't know. I don't think anything's controlling him now.'

He passed the phone over and Spike hit the emergency code in. As he talked to the operator, he saw Angel checking all Lindsay's limbs, feeling the breaks, moving his shoulder back into the joint. Silly sod had dared her, he thought as the woman talked him through the options. Note to self - never let a bloodthirsty spirit get her hands on your mind.

Clicking the phone off, he bent to Angel's side. For a moment, he thought the dark vampire wouldn't look at him, but Angel turned, dropped him a faint smile and held his arms out. Spike sank into them gratefully, wondering why he wasn't getting his head ripped off for not being a good guy.

'Is this because I didn't kick his ass back in the office?'

Spike nuzzled against the vampire's neck.

'Not really, pet. I was bored...and a bit pissed off.'

'With me?'

The blond grinned and kissed the side of Angel's neck.

'No, love, not with you. Megs suggested we could have a bit of fun with this shit, and she came up with a way to bypass the chip.'

'Huh?'

Spike shrugged, feeling Angel's fingers curl into his neck, brushing against the hair that grew there.

'Possession - she figured if the chip couldn't work out which mind was working, it couldn't kick in.'

'Oh.'

Angel stroked up toward his scalp, fingers touching lightly, massaging his skin.

'Did it work?'

'Yeah, for a bit. She got some control too though, and I'm not bloody having that.'

Angel chuckled and pulled back.

'You think she's gone, gone?'

'Don't know.'

He shrugged.

'Guess if she was still here, Lindsay'd be toast right now.'

'You reckon that "go to your family" line did the trick?'

Spike shook his head,

'No idea, pet. Not really in the mood for analysing the whole deal.'

'Me either.'

Sirens echoed in the distance and Spike stood up, looking at the broken form of the lawyer.

'He'll live though. Tough little bugger to crack.'

Angel nodded and brushed the dust of his pants.

'Yeah - but somehow I don't see this experience persuading him that the greater good is...greater.'

'Maybe not.'

He shrugged again.

'Every bugger's got to have his place, though.'

As the sirens came closer, the vampires walked out of the warehouse, their own injuries starting to ache.

'We going to tell Wesley?'

Angel shook his head.

'No - I don't think he needs to know about this. We can always make something up.'

Spike grinned.

'Yeah, pet. Can always tell him she went into the light.'

Angel reached out to draw the other vampire into his arms.

'Maybe she just had to find where she belonged.'

'We all do that, love.'

Angel rested his forehead against Spike's, sleepy eyes answering his own.

'As long as I'm with you...'

Spike grinned.

'Yeah, I know. You don't have to get soppy about it.'

They stayed still, relishing being alone once more, before the sirens shut off and broke the moment. Spike reached in his jacket for a smoke and lit it up, walking home.

'Come on the, love. You can tell me why you buggered up the job and set the alarms off.'

'How d'you know it was me?'

Spike chuckled.

'Hey I was already on show, only some big poof whose too big for his boots could slip up like that.'

'My boots are fine.'

'Sure they are. Shame about your pants.'

'My pants are fine too.'

'So are mine, but I look a whole lot better out of them.'

'Big head.'

'Come on home and I'll show you what else is big.'

'I've seen it.'

'Oh really?'

'Yeah, and it's not that big.'

'Bigger than yours.'

'Want to bet?'

'Yeah...biggest dick gets to choose what flavour ice cream we use.'

'Okay.'

'Strawberry.'

'You haven't won yet!'

'Doesn't matter, strawberry.'

They argued all the way home, quietly arriving in the apartment as the others complained that they hadn't checked in. They waited until the mortals left the office and fell upon one another hungrily. One deliciously messy shag later, the vampires collapsed on the bed, sated, sleeping, and happy.

And coated in strawberry.
 

*
 

'Yeah, uh...that's it...right...ah, there.'

Angel grinned and pressed his thumb harder against Spike's neck, feeling the tension slowly drain from the supine body. There was still a faint tang of strawberries in the air, and Angel couldn't help thinking of Spring and the way his house in Galway had smelt. His mother - ordering them all about with unusual authority, his father edging toward him, bothered by the woman at the helm. That had been one of the few times when they'd sided together, desperate to get out of her cleaning ritual, boys as they hid in the garden.

There was the barest hint of blossom on the branches, fluttering onto their clothes as they pushed through them. Giggling as clothes caught and tore, at the knowledge that they would have to go inside sooner or later, that she would know and they'd be scolded both for avoiding work and making more of it. And his father smiling, the pressure off for the moment as his son struggled to get through the tangled bushes; tall, gangly, not yet filled out into his broad frame. And nothing had mattered then, tomorrow was just the day that followed, another time which did not yet exist. It wasn't important, there was only ever the now, and the belief that everything would be all right.

And that he had time to change into the son his father wanted so badly to mould.

Father, you would not have believed what I have become. I didn't understand, I didn't know what you were trying to do, or why you were so bad at it. I was young and I was ignorant, but I wasn't stupid, I could have been told. You could have talked to me.

You could have trusted me.

'...left a bit...'

He shifted lightly, moving his fingers across the supple flesh, feeling Spike wriggle as Angel hit the right spot.

'...lovely...'

Angel smiled, and allowed himself to slip back again.

There had never been a time whilst he was alive that Liam had managed to understand his father, or a single moment when his father had understood him. And that had mattered, of course it had mattered, because Liam had tried for so long to be the man his father wanted him to be, and on failing that, became the exact opposite. In this world, in this temperate climate, his rebellion would have been dismissed, understood, but dismissed as a child seeking their own identity. And maybe they might have commented, '27 is too old to still be rebelling against your father'.

Twenty seven too old?

Here I am in my bed with the man I love, killer of many, childe of my progeny. And you would never have approved of this. Incest, lust and desire for my own sex. How could you possibly understand, when anything I did then was considered a sin?

How could you understand that this is the purest I have ever been, the best incarnation of myself that I have ever approached. Would you see that? Or would you still be blind to the son you raised? Would you consider my love frivolous, or would you accept that I've finally found my place in the world?

Spike rolled over, raising a casual eyebrow at him, completely at ease with his own nudity. Smiling faintly, Angel traced his sight down the pale flesh, following the solid line of his shoulders, the more prominent muscles...firm under his fingers, moist skin allowing him to slide down without ever sticking. Perfect, and...a scar here, still perfect, the bones of his shoulder's beneath the surface...hard, tangled in muscle...the veins - light blue against faint marble...frailty in strength...

'You gonna feel me up all day, Peaches or are we actually going to see some action here?'

Angel shook his head.

'You've got a real way of spoiling the mood, Spike.'

'Mood? What bloody mood?'

'The one where you were getting a massage and I was actually...no, it doesn't matter.'

'What?'

Angel took his hands off and reached for the towel.

'I was actually thinking how beautiful you were.'

And there's another raised eyebrow.

'Yeah, I'm Miss Bloody World.'

Angel grinned.

'Apt, very apt.'

'Hmm?'

Spike rolled over and stretched out, his fingers reaching the edge of the bed, touching on the crisp lines where the sheet folded under the mattress. He'd spent an instructive hour once, sipping whiskey whilst Angel had made the bed. No one else could waste so much bloody time making sure the corners were perfect. Nobody else would bloody care! But Angel liked order, and if it made him a bit anal at times, so be it.

It only took Spike a minute or so to make him human again.

'So how come my "delicate beauty" is making it's big debut in whatever it is that passes for your brain?'

Angel rolled his eyes and picked up the towel he'd brought in earlier.

'Feeling nostalgic.'

'For beauty contests?'

The dark vampire thwacked the heavy towel across Spike's ass and jumped backwards off the bed before the howling creature could get his revenge. But Spike was on his feet almost immediately, and jumped full-stretch towards Angel, bringing them both down to the floor in an inelegant pile.

He wrestled Angel's arms above his head, and aimed gentle nips across the broad chest, grinning at each yelp. Spike made his way to the protesting mouth, covering it with his own, and Angel kissed him without missing a beat. Hands slipping from the restricting grip, sliding down to hold the firm body against his own, feeling the strength in the torso, the vague warmth from the recently fed. Legs slipping between his own, and Angel moaned at the pressure against his thigh. And still the tongue pressed insistently into his mouth, tasting him, searing ownership with every brush.

And the cold didn't matter beneath his back, the harshness of the floorboards unimportant compared to this seemingly unending barrage of pleasure, neatly compacted in an aggressive blond. And there was still boyish pleasure in living in the moment, still a desire to make this minute the only point of focus. And there was always room for change.

Father, you could never understand this.

Brring!

Spike growled as Angel ceased his caresses, unwilling to stop for anything, least of all a phone call which would, in all likelihood, separate them for far too many hours. Only clients phoned at this hour, and Angel never turned any away. He struggled to keep Angel's attention, but the dark vampire suckled gently on his tongue before easing him off and reaching for the ringing phone.

'Hello?'

'Where the hell have you been?'

Angel pulled the phone away from his ear, as though backing off could eliminate Cordelia's screeching tone. He sat there for a moment, dangling it uncertainly in his hand, hoping that Spike would tire of his delaying tactics and draw it off him. But the blond had already got back on the bed, drizzled oil into his hand and was sliding slick fingers down his body. Coating every muscle in the gleaming fluid, determined not to wait out a phone call for his pleasure.

'Oh...'

'Don't you "oh" me, you stupid great...employer person you! We've actually been worried about you.'

Angel bit his lip as he met Spike's eyes, reading the carnal intent, wanting desperately to be a part of it. But Cordelia was still babbling.

'Don't you ever call back when you say you're gonna? Man, you actually had Xander worried for a moment.'

The "did not" echoed in the background, but Angel was scarcely paying attention - Spike had reached the fluffy hair across his belly, and was slowly edging towards the stiffer curls below.

'Angel? Are you even listening to me?'

And lower still.

'Sorry, what was that Cordelia?'

'You're not listening are you? Oh God, don't say you and he are being all...groiny.'

And...yeah, oh yeah, I want to touch.

Spike grinned at him and Angel had to force himself not to drool. It would be too easy to just throw the phone away and leap on the vampire. Too satisfying to just ignore everything else and find himself within Spike's embrace. But Angel had spent a whole lifetime in denial and...

'Cordelia, I'm sorry I didn't let you know we were okay. Things kind of...got on top of me.'

'Oh I bet! And that thing wouldn't be called Spike, king of bad seventies porn, now would it?'

Spike's hand slipped below the stiff length, altering his position so that Angel could see him caress the sensitive globes beneath. And when the younger vampire moaned, he wasn't alone.

'Angel, quit moaning, I don't want to have to deal with your sex noises as well!'

Angel frowned. As well?

'Look, we're okay, Vanessa Brewer's been...dealt with, and Megan...'

He paused, trying to remember what he'd agreed with Spike to tell them. The girl was gone, completely gone, but he still owed the others an explanation. He still owed Wesley...something.

Stick to something simple.

'She's gone.'

'Huh? Ghost girl's seen the light?'

He heard Spike chuckle, gestured to the vampire to be quiet. And then he saw him, saw the fingers squeezing his balls, and the guilt faded back into the background. Here and now is all that matters. What's gone is gone and we can't change that.

'Yeah, she's gone. She...saw Lindsay, got something off her chest and that was it.'

'Wow, quick as that, huh. God, I wish we'd figured it out that quickly when Dennis' mom was on the rampage.'

Spike slid a finger lower, deep between the curve of his ass cheeks, letting out a deep 'huuuh' as he gained entrance. Angel watched and shifted closer to the bed, watching, wanting to be a part of it. He stroked along Spike's thigh as he talked.

'Yeah, so...Cordelia, is that it? Are we done here?'

She huffed.

Okay Angel I can take a hint. Just because someone's getting some doesn't mean you have to rub the noses of...the people who...aren't...getting some, that is.'

Spike grinned.

'Very eloquent when she's horny, ain't she?'

Angel ran his fingers along Spike's own hands, coating them in oil, sliding a digit inside as Spike groaned, sliding it back and forth.

'Very,' he said.

'Huh? Angel, you're speaking in tongues again.'

I wish, he thought.

'Look Cordelia, I'm really busy. Can we talk...Monday, or anytime I'm not sleeping?'

'Fine, fine. Xander promised me an all expenses paid shopping trip anyway.'

Angel raised an eyebrow, feeling his finger slide easily past the tight muscle, Spike's own digit curling round it.

'Xander's paying? On what he makes?'

'Yeah, well, he offered and I'm hardly going to turn him down, now, am I?'

'They're shagging, again,' murmured Spike, and Angel pushed forward before the vampire could say anything more incriminating.

'Okay, I have to go, so I'll see you Monday.'

'Kay, I'll see you then, perv boy. Maybe when you can drag your head out of the gutter you might say something approaching human conversation.'

She hung up and Angel tossed the phone to the floor, before urging Spike onto his front. Drawing all fingers out of the way, Angel bent his head, long slow licks from under the heavy balls up and into Spike's body.

'Everything dealt with now, Pet?'

'Mhmm.'

Spike grinned against the mattress as the moist tongue pushed against him. Angel was the expert here - Angelus had never been all that concerned about preparing his conquests. But whilst the soulless version had never indulged in foreplay, Angel revelled in it. He could happily spend hours lavishing attention on his lover, attending to every need, every desire that Spike could express. And it usually involved just about everything in the fridge and anything else the blond happened to land on.

'Still mooching in the past?'

Angel paused and slid his hands up, reaching for Spike's own.

'I'm happy being in the present.'

The younger vampire chuckled and rolled over, pulling Angel up to cover him.

'Sure about that, Love? Cause I keep feeling you coming over all Owen.'

'Owen?'

'Wilfred. Got maudlin and unhappy about life instead of enjoying what he had.'

Angel nuzzled against Spike's cheek and grinned.

'He was fighting a war. Humans tend to get a little distracted by that kind of thing.'

Spike rubbed against the dark vampire and tried to capture his mouth.

'Whereas we just look for the easy meal.'

Angel shook his head and pulled back.

'I think I was neck-deep in self-pity and guilt by that time.'

'So no real change, then?'

'Spike, shut up.'

The blond grinned and reached round to pinch Angel's ass.

'Ow!'

'Well, Pet. If you wouldn't go and ask the impossible of me...'

Angel knelt up and rubbed the sore spot, trying hard to cast a children-will-play look at his lover. Spike wasn't buying it at all, and slung both hands behind his neck, presenting an irresistible pose - all exposed flesh, glistening and ready for action.

Bait.

But Angel hesitated and Spike had to resign himself that the fish weren't biting without a major soul search first. Best to get it over with, then.

'Come on then, tell me.'

Angel shook his head and bent down to kiss him, hurt when Spike accepted him but refused to deepen the embrace. He met the cold blue eyes and realised nothing was going to happen until he let go...until he managed to get some of rid of this nagging doubt.

With a sigh, he rolled onto his side and rested his arm across Spike's belly, one hand tucked behind his ear, supporting his head. As he idly traced patterns across the pale skin, he tried to think how to begin. It's always hard to start, he thought absently, but after that first step...doesn't the relief of being on the path outweigh knowing it's never going to get easier?

'Come on. Spill.'

'I was...thinking about my father.'

Spike frowned.

'Why? He lay in your bed naked an' all?'

'Hmm? No, no, he wasn't like that. I was just...family, you know?'

Spike shrugged.

'Not seeing the link here, Pet.'

Angel avoided Spike's gaze.

'You said she wasn't family...and if she isn't...then...'

Spike rubbed his nose and Angel saw that he wasn't getting his point across. Usually Spike would have picked up on whatever was troubling him and found a way to distract him, or even, (when nothing else had worked) given him an honest opinion. The truth was often harsh, but knowing it was so much better than living with the lie.

'I lost my family once...'

'Well, you ate them, Love. Losing tends to be a part of that.'

Angel winced.

'Right. But...before that, I was already...dead to them.'

Spike raised a scarred eyebrow.

'Got kicked out? You?'

'Yeah, me. I was...never that good at taking orders.'

'Hmm, I had noticed. What with you being the anti-vampire and everything.'

Angel decided not to point out that since Spike was actually helping him these days, he came under the same category. It wasn't important, and if he didn't manage to make his point clear now, Spike could just as easily get fed up and convince him to have sex until it went away.

But then, he'd always wonder, and there might not be another time he would be able to ask.

'You said she wasn't family.'

'And?'

Angel took a breath he didn't need and pressed on. Strange how the simple act of inhaling gave him courage.

'And if she's not your family...are we?'

Spike ran his tongue along his teeth before answering.

'Sure, you're Dad, Cordelia's mum and Wesley and Doyle are the kids.'

'Spike...that's not what I mean...who's Xander?'

'Milkman's spawn.'

Angel couldn't help the tiniest of grins.

'And you?'

Spike grinned and reached for his cigarettes.

'Easy, mate, I'm the dodgy uncle whose shagging the dad.'

Angel shook his head.

'You don't want to answer, do you?'

Spike lit up and waved the point at his lover.

'You ask me if I think about your bloody lot as family and want me to say yes or no. It's not that fucking easy.'

'I thought things were always simple to you?'

'Most things...yeah. But family. You don't want to get hooked on having one of them, mate. They can screw you up good style.'

He gestured vaguely with the lit end.

'Look at you, two and a half centuries later and I bet you're still wondering if Daddy would approve.'

Angel relented.

'Maybe a little.'

'Exactly. All families can do is piss you off.'

He inhaled deeply, the smoke coating lungs which were in no danger of becoming cancerous. Angel felt the tension build in the solid frame and slid his fingers up to hold Spike closer.

'I take it your family weren't the Bradys either?'

Spike stubbed out the cig furiously and turned back to Angel.

'Doesn't matter what they were. I don't think of them from one day to the next. They're dead.'

'They don't matter?'

'No.'

And before Angel had the chance to turn away, Spike caught his neck and pulled him close enough that their noses touched.

'You're mine. You lot are all mine. And it's us against the world, Pet.'

He smiled easily.

'And I'm not giving that up for any fucker who wears my name.'

Angel chuckled.

'She didn't actually have your name.'

'Shh, love. You're ruining a good allegory.'

The older vampire leant backwards and pulled Spike over on top of him.

'Hmm, now how can I make up for that?'

'Got one or two ideas.'

'Yeah?'

'Yeah.'

And Spike's kiss, tainted with nicotine and whiskey, all male, all encompassing, was enough to drive away the doubt. Each touch of his fingers sought to echo his ownership, brushing across his flesh, passion driving them to closer, more intimate places. Only here mattered, only now, and he growled as he sank in the firm body, clinging to Spike, whispering promises that he'd make sure he kept. And it was always heaven now, always the moment, and when the change came, they'd cope.

Because whilst perfection is fleeting, Angel's memory had scanned centuries. And each moment of truth was his forever.

And belonging to Spike was something he could believe in.

Father, I am not the son you wanted.

I am the man I was meant to be.
 

*

On to 'To shansu in loving memory'