Lar ||| Supernatural

Secrets and Lies
by Lar

EMAIL: HERE
RATING: PG-13
PAIRING: SPN, gen
DISCLAIMER: Kripke, you magnificent bastard, they belong to you.
SUMMARY: I smile when I'm angry// I cheat and I lie // I do what I have to do // To get by ~ In My Secret Life, Leonard Cohen
A/N: thanks to ruric for my first prompt

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Afterwards Dean lies all the time. He used to save that for the girls who were so willing and eager to have him lie to them, sweet and raunchy nothings whispered in their ears as his clever fingers undid their bras and pulled down their panties. He used to save that bullshit for the ones who didn't matter because it was easy to tell a lie when you didn't have to remember it the next morning.

That was before John whispered in his ear and went off to sacrifice himself. Now Dean lies to everyone, every day, all the time. He tells his brother that he's fine. He tells Ellen, and he tells Jo, and he tells anyone who looks at him with even a hint of curiosity that he's just fucking fine, alright, and that's the way it goes. He tells them that it was just a matter of time, and that he knew the day would come when something would get John before John could get it first. He tells Sammy that he's dealing, that they both knew that how it would be. And when Sam points out that Dean's gone from a good hunter to something scarier than whatever it is they might be looking for, Dean gets hold of that, too. He dials it down a couple notches and he settles in. There's Metallica on the radio and the car is shiny, and clean, and the engine purrs when he puts his foot down.

He lies hard and fast and does it so often that when he looks in the mirror, Dean can't tell who the hell he is anymore. Whoever he was before John told him his secrets is gone, burned up in the smoke and ashes and scattered to who knows where. Every day Dean looks in the mirror over some sink in some motel room, and every day he tells himself that it'll be easier today. It'll be better.

Every day he lies to himself, and the weight of that whisper in his ear grinds him down a little deeper into the dirt.



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