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ethrosdemon ||| Buffy & Angel
Interlude: The Call
by ethrosdemon HRH
Distribution: You don’t want it
Disclaimer: Joss made it up, too bad he is an incompetent ninny. Mutant Enemy and others own the rights. No suing please.
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: A/X
Note: I thought this A/X thing was over, but, alas for you all, it won’t leave me alone. This follows the Impromptus, actually it follows directly Impromptu: Notes. If you haven’t read them, this will make no sense whatsoever.
Note II: I always write thoughts and no dialogue, so this is all dialogue no thought.
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“Xander’s House of Pleasure, Orgy Department. How can I help you?”
“Xander?”
“Please, let this be a psychotic break.”
“Xander, this is Angel.”
“Of this, I am aware. Thus the psychotic break. Is this a heads up call informing me of your soul-lossage and the return to evil? If so, I will go ahead and kill myself and save you the gas.”
"No more evil than yesterday. I DID say Angel, not Angelus.”
“Coulda been a trick. Not that you couldn’t still be tricking me.”
“ I’m NOT tricking you. *sigh *
“Your voice is trembling. Are you jacking off while you talk to me?”
“Do you want me to be? I’m just exhausted. Not sleeping well.”
“Right, did I mention how little I care about your problems? I hope you are suffering. A LOT. Why the hell are you calling me out of the blue…wonder where that expression comes from…what kind of blue would something come out of…baby blue, navy, indigo, aqua…”
“I see you never change.”
“You would be surprised. Did Cordelia have a vision or something, and if she did, why would you call…how did you get my fucking number?”
“Cordelia had it in her phonebook.”
“You going to tell me why you are calling anytime soon?”
“Did you ever tell Cordelia what happened between us?”
“US?! Ok, let me get this straight. First, you think there was ever an US. Secondly, you want to know if sandwiched between make out sessions and demon attacks if I ever had ‘share time’ with Cordy about you randomly abducting me to molest me and mindfuck me?”
“I don’t think I was implying that we dated.”
“Oh yeah, I remember now. As a matter of fact, there was the one time that I told her all about the icepick through the scrotum episode. She was reading Cosmo, so I’m sure she didn’t hear me.”
“I take it that is sarcasm.”
“I take it that you’re as observant as ever.”
“How do I know you won’t tell her in the future?”
“You’ll have to either have faith in my continuing shame over the entire affair, or you can finally come and finish what you started with me.”
“Don’t tempt me.”
“I never tried to.”
“Xander, I…”
“Can it, Spawn of Satan. I’ve things to do besides dredge up all the reasons I should be in therapy.”
*click *
That whirl and crackle of the world shifting is only in my mind. What if I just dropped off into another reality, like the one without any shrimp. Maybe this is the one where Angel makes random calls to check up on his past victims.
“Who was that on the phone?”
It appears Anya is still in this reality, and my carpet is still beige. Should really ask her how many different worlds she has seen… and if she has seen my Pete’s Dragon t-shirt. Please, whichever god hates me the least this week, don’t let that be what she was cleaning the Snapple up with.
‘Uh, a telemarketer.” How well can she hear in there anyway? The t.v. is up kinda loud, and she is reading.
“They were selling ceramic Angels?” Slightly better than I was laying odds on.
“Something like that. You want to hit Taco Hell and grab a burrito of doom?’ Diversion is always the better part of valour. Valour, Valerie, Velomints…
“I was thinking, ya know, that we could try something new.” What kinda look is that on her face anyway?
“Like suishi?” Could be not of the complete bad, rice is ok, and seaweed is just kinda salty.
“No, I mean, like me tying you up and then doing sexual things to your naked body.” Fire, fire, run while you can.
“Uh, could we go back to the food thing?” She’s closing in. First Angel, and now kink-talk, and all I wanted was a mexi-melt and some lovin’.
“The woman at the Erotic Attic told me that it was all about trust. Don’t you trust me, Xander?” Trick question number 325.
“Well, aside from your murderous past, and the fact that I am caught what could easily be termed off-guard, I have issues with being restrained.” Not a lie.
“Is this where you tell me about being abused by your parents? Because I have to tell you now that if so, I promised to tell Willow and Tara everything you say.” Supervision might be in order when they are together in the future.
“Er…um, no. Which part of that disturbs me the most, I’m not quite sure. I was just going to say that bondage is not something I am wanting to do.” Again, anytime soon, tonight, with you.
“Ok, I’m going home now.” Situation spinning out of control here.
“What? You’re mad?” Damage control and remobilising of the troops, maybe block her way to the door…
“I think I’m disappointed, and you’re just supposed to know what I want without me telling you. That is some kind of woman rule.” Could she get over this phase anytime soon? Just be slightly more manageable, slightly lower maintenance?
“An, could we just get some dinner and then have non-bondagey sex and watch some television?” In any order, or just sit in the dark and I will tell you why I can’t let you tie me up or won’t let you or…
“I’m storming away in a huff.” And so she is. Fuck.
Could’ve told her the truth. Probably too late to even try. No way she could keep it a secret. Tara and Willow, and even Buffy, know the blow by blow of our sex life as it is. How mortifying would this become if I pondered her mimicking my orgasmic noises…pretty high on the scale. Not even fair, since I don’t get to sample their noises.
How mad could she be? Maybe she bought a bunch of de Sade-wear and went to return it. Not very returnable. Used sex toy bin. Ick and double ick.
On the other hand, she did spend a thousand years destroying men one by one, she might be…could I do that to her? Let her in on that? Bring myself back to that place? Bring someone with me to that place. Never left it. Itch is right there creeping and edging towards my throat. Better to keep it to myself and think…about Angel calling me.
Or how she would react if I told her that she could never hurt me enough. Her pain would be a paddle or a slap, not the kind of…psychotic and deranged shit I really want, the kind with no safewords and death standing right there where I can brush him with my fingertips as I spin into oblivion…
And, why is it that even when the sex is this mindblowing and just right, it isn’t. Can’t ever be. Sick and twisted, no escape from it. She isn’t treating me like the man-whore I know I am. Used and covered in rejection and undead semen, wait, shut up self. Because is this some kinda sex-karma for being a child-molester in a past life? Would I have been THIS person if I had hung out with Jonathon instead of Buffy? If it had been Larry would I have a boyfriend and a loft in the Bay Area?
And now we aren’t just gonna be pissy and overwrought over Angel, not really Angel at all, who cares about the prancy one…suppose I do. He remembers it all. Know that, have evidence of it now, but I knew it all along from the way he LOOKED at me. Like he still owned me. Like he was repulsed. Ashamed. Guilty. Oh, right, that’s the one. Angel is guilty. Feeling that self-loathing tangle in his hair and hold on for the ride.
He never said it. Never came to me one night, like all the other nights, and just told me to let it go. Let him go. Let the hate and drive for annihilation ebb away like his need for me. Never kissed it away and made it better. Never brushed away a tear or held me when I threw up all over myself from fear that THEY would find out.
Did I tell Cordelia? Like I thought. He never knew me. Didn’t take the time to find out more than what it would take to rape the mind with the body. And I still give a rat’s ass. Lingering in me, desire for his…FUCK I HATE him.
This is about the time for the thought to slip just so much to the left gonna become…yes, and now it is. Faith. He saved me from Faith.
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